Popular Jokes
You know what? Everybody is screwed these days.
In the office, you're screwed if you don't do you're job well.
At home, You're screwed if you don't listen to your parents.
At school/college, You're screwed by many- Teachers, bullies, the principal etc...
And they say we're all screwed on December 21st 2012!
But, these things don't bother me. The one thing that makes me mad is when I'm looking for a virgin and they're ALL screwed!
Q: What did Jane say to Tarzan when she saw the elephants coming?
A: Here come the plums; she was color blind.
CONCLUSION:
There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses, the results were pretty interesting: 30% of women think their ass is too fat . . . 10% of women think their ass is too skinny . . .
The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they wouldn't trade him for the world.
Take a look at these 45 items and see if you find yourself relating and laughing until it hurts!
More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or ma
There was this old woman who heard a song called "Two Lips and Seven Kisses." She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, "Do you have "Two Lips and Seven Kisses?"
The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, "No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!"
So the woman asked, "Is this a record?"
To which the man replied, "No, its average!"
guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, "What size?"
He says, "I don't know."
She holds up a finger and says, "That big?"
He says, "Bigger."
She holds up three fingers and says, "That big?"
He says, "Smaller?"
She holds up two fingers and he says, "That's it."
She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, "Medium."
A man was solving a crossword. For a four-letter word there was a clue: Look at the picture !
The man entered:
I see .
A couple was driving down the street and they hear a siren going off. They pull over to the side and wait for the cop to come over. The cop comes up and they see that it's Officer Alf.
The man groans cause Alf is the rudest cop in town. Alf asks the man for his license and registration. The man gives it to him and Alf rudely rips it out of his hands and tells the man to wait. When he comes back he sneezes and his face turns red. The man says bless you and asks why his face is so red. Alf replies, "I get this way when it's about to rain. Anyway, here is your ticket for speeding." He walks away gruffly.
The man looks up to see nothing but a clear blue sky. He starts driving again; a few minu
The Pope, the smartest man in the world, a father, and a son were in a plane that was going to crash. There were only three parachutes in the plane. The Pope says to them, "I need a parachute because I am worshiped by many people of religion." So he takes a parachute and jumps.
The smartest man in the world says, "I am the smartest man in the world so I deserve a parachute." He takes a parachute and jumps.
The father then looks at the son and says, "I have lived a long life and I think you should take a parachute because you have so much to live for."
The little boy looks at the dad and says, "It's alright daddy. We can both go. The smartest man in the world took my backpack."
One day I was standing in the park wondering how frisbees get bigger when they get closer. Then it hit me.
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