A U.S. Mint spokesperson announced the plans for a new fifty-cent piece that was being issued in the honor of two great American patriots. On one side of the coin would be Theodore Roosevelt, on the other, Nathan Hale. When questioned by a reporter why two people were going to appear on the same coin, the spokesperson replied, "These two men were selected to simplify life for a vast majority of Americans." The reporter then asked, "Could you explain how this would simplify life for Americans?" The official responded, "Certainly, I'd be happy to. Now, when they toss a coin, they can simply call Ted's or Hale's."

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, something that had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government ha

On our last venture out for Christmas shopping, we had bought a few gadgets for the younguns and then realized we didn't have any batteries. I stepped over to the counter to get the batteries, but I couldn't attract any clerk's attention. I waited a while then said to April, "I'll get someone's attention. Stay right here." With that, I pulled out a tape measure I just happened to have with me, and started to "measure" one of those large screen plasma television sets. You know, the ones that go for about $4000. Amazingly, a clerk almost leap-frogged over several pieces of furniture to reach my side. "Sir! Can I help you?" he exclaimed. "Yeah, you can. I'll take 8 of those batteries over

What's the hardest thing about rollerblading? Telling your parents that you are gay.

There's a fella in a fast-food outlet, and he's just received his order of 7 hot-dogs, 9 Big Macs and 6 large Cokes. The counterhand says, "Would you like a tray?" The customer replies, "Steady on, haven't I got enough to carry already?"

Hey, pal! Buddy, friend, mate, amigo! I've just heard that I won first prize in a competition! It's a ten-day holiday for me and five others to Disney World! So I was wondering, if you're not doing anything next Wednesday, if you could put my garbage can out for collection!

Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? A. The French Army.

Q. Why was the Chunnel built under the English Channel? A. So the French government could to flee to London.

Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

201. David Sarnoff received the Titanic's distress signal and saved hundreds of passengers. He later became the head of the first radio network, the National Broadcasting Company (NBC). 202. On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year. 203. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than every Nike factory worker in Malaysia combined. 204. One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the '30s lobbied against hemp farmers (they saw it as competition). 205. "Canada" is an Indian word meaning "Big Village". 206. Only one in two billion people will live to be 116 or older. 207. If you yelled for 8 years 7 months and 6 days, you w

This guy couldn't decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for vacation, so he called the airlines to get prices. "Airfare to Denver is $300," said a cheery salesperson. "And what about Salt Lake City?" "We have a really great rate to Salt Lake - $99.00, but there is a stopover." "Where?" "Denver."

You are young and beautiful, have 2 university degrees, and are fluent in 3 languages. You have long blonde hair, long legs and a killer smile and you want to earn a salary no less than 100 000$ per year. That's nice. But we need a plumber.