Popular Jokes
The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin, and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison."
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey, the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes, but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experienc
A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife, "Honey, I got a new secretary, and imagine what happened! She's got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it's not a big deal but it feels good."
The next day when he came home his wife asks, "How was your day?"
The man say, "Fantastic! It's not only her bra that is red and white but also her panties. You know it's not a big deal but it really feels good!"
The third day he comes home after work and now the man asks his wife, "And what happened today in your office, honey?"
She says, "Oh, nothing special, sweetheart. I got a new boss today. His dick is two inches longer than you
A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
There is in fact an "I" in Norris, but there is no "team"... not even close.
Scotty in Star Trek often says "Ye cannae change the laws of physics." This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.
An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.
Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
Using his trademark roundhouse
Yo momma is so poor, when I went to her house to use the bathroom, she told me to pick a corner.
The woman in a theatre box-office was surprised one evening just before the show at the behavior of one man.
He bought a ticket, went away, and then returned a few minutes later to buy another one. He went away again, returned and bought a third ticket. Then he went away yet again, returned and bought a fourth ticket!
By now the show had started, so the woman in the box-office said "I hope you don't mind me asking, but why do you keep coming back and buying more tickets?"
"Every time I try to get in to the auditorium," he replied, "some jerk takes my ticket and tears it in half!"
A blonde had twin girls - she called them Kate and Duplicate.
Then she had twin boys - she called them Pete and Repeat.
Man 1: "I was on the television last night."
Man 2: "Were you really?"
Man 1: "Yeah. When I'm drunk I'll sleep anywhere."
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There was a teenaged girl name Amanda, who just stepped out of the shower. She wrapped a towel around her body, and went into her room. She was very excited because her long time crush, Jason, was coming over to have dinner. She turned the radio on and her favorite song was playing, so she started to dance and sing. When the song was over she stopped dancing and realized that her towel had come off. She looked towards the door and saw that it was open, and Jason was standing there.
You are working on your family genealogy and for sake of example, let's say that your great-great uncle, Remus Starr, a fellow lacking in character, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889.
A cousin has supplied you with the only known photograph of Remus, showing him standing on the gallows. On the back of the picture are the words:
"Remus Starr: Horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison, 1885. Escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged, 1889."
Pretty grim situation, right? But let's revise things a bit. We simply crop the picture, scan in an enlarged image and edit it with image processing softw
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