Some times when the soap bar in the shower is small enough I like to swipe it thru my butt crack and say " beep! credit card accepted"

IDIOTS IN SERVICE This week, all our office phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?" I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do that, since our phones weren't working. He also requested that we report future outages by email (Does YOUR email work without a telephone line?). IDIOTS AT WORK I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete

Question: How long is a minute? Answer: That depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on!!

Yo momma is so fat, that when she fell in love , people wern't laughing but the floor was cracking up!!!

There once was a girl from Darjeeling, Who could dance with exquisite feeling, There wasn't a sound For miles around, Except fly buttons hitting the ceiling!

A blonde had twin girls - she called them Kate and Duplicate. Then she had twin boys - she called them Pete and Repeat.

I was walking around in the movies with my friends and we saw this one teenager. His pants were falling down, so I said to my friends, "God, these kids nowadays! I thought a rapper died and the kid decided to put his pants half-staff!"

Yo mama is so skinny Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio Yo mama so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex. Yo mama so skinny she turned sideways and disappeared.

Rate this joke 4 smiles and g I'll give you $5 Stop here and rate now Read the rest after you vote You don't need to read the comments now Vote Now NOW NOW!!!! NOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOW DID YOU VOTE 4?

These are my summer clothes. Summer paid for, summer not. How do you get down from an elephant? You don't, you get down from a duck. Why couldn't anyone play cards on the ark? Because Noah sat on the deck. Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other "You drive, I'll man the guns." The Russians are very jealous of the American's Stealth Bombers, so they've decided to build their own. It'll be called the Optical Illyushin. One good turn... gets all the blankets.

When Chuck Norris jumps in a pool he dosent get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris'd. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a horse. It's decendants are know as giraffes. Chuck Norris doesn't need oxygen, oxygen needs Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't pay off debt, debt pays off Chuck Norris.

The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the fuzzy language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone reading a PhD dissertation or academic paper. "It has long been known..." I didn't look up the original reference. "A definite trend is evident..." These data are practically meaningless. "While it has not been possible to provide definitive answers to the questions..." An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published. "Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study..." The other results didn't make any sense. "Typical results are shown..." This is the prettiest graph. "These results will be in