Bob was talking to Ted, an old friend. Bob: My wife drives like lightning! Ted: She drives fast? Bob: No, She hits trees!

1) The Code of Ethics for Lawyers. 2) Americans' Guide to Etiquette. 3) The World Guide to Good American Beer. 4) Safe Places to Travel in the USA. 5) Bill Clinton: A Portrait of Integrity. 6) The Wit and Wisdom of Dan Quayle. 7) Consumer Marketing Ethics. 8) Career Opportunities for History Majors. 9) Great Women Drivers Of Today. 10) Beauty Secrets by Janet Reno. 11) Things I Love About Bill By: Hillary Clinton. 12) My Life's Memories By: Ronald Reagan. 13) Things I Can't Afford By: Bill Gates.

What did Margie say about her brain surgeon? "I really gave him a piece of my mind!"

These are my pet peeves in no particular order. 1. People who insult my friends. You trash talk my friends you can't hang around me it is that simple. 2. You are talking on a cell phone not a boombox, so pick a RING not a SONG! 3. Read my rant on Darkness. It's on the blog right before this one. 4. People who try and open a locked car door at the same time you are pressing the unlock. And they keep doing it over and over. For heaven sakes DAD, (I mean people who do this. lol) 5. People who drive fansy sports cars, and they obviously think they are cool cuz they speed up and slow down quickly and change lanes in front of you. My FORD EXPLORER can and will crush your stupid uncool as

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly." On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?" "Yes," the boy's mother answered. "And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked. "Who cares?" the mother replied.

80 The first Secretary General of the UNO was Trygve Lie 81 The sculptor of the statue of Liberty was Federick Auguste Bartholdi 82 The port of Banku is situated in Azerbaijan 83 John F.Kennedy was assassinated by Lee Harry Oswald 84 The largest river in France is Loire 85 The Queen of England who married her brother-in-law was Catherine of Aragon 86 The first negro to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize was Ralph Johnson Bunche 87 The first British University to admit women for degree courses was London University 88 The principal export of Jamaica is sugar 89 New York is popularly known as the City of Skyscrapers 90 Madagascar is popularly known as the Island of Cloves 91 The country known as

Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time. Indeed convenient! Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name. Male mosquitoes are vegetarians. Only females bite. The average person's field of vision encompasses a 200-degree wide angle. To find out if a watermelon is ripe, knock it, and if it sounds hollow then it is ripe. Canadians can send letters with personalized postage stamps showing their own photos on each stamp. Babies' eyes do not produce tears until the baby is approximately six to eight weeks old. It snowed in the Sahara Desert in February of 1979. Plants watered with warm water grow larger and more

Which dog doesn't have a tail? Hot dogs, of course.

A blonde was asked to open up the coffee shop on Monday. So, the blonde went in early to open up. She gathered all the ingredients together, and had everything ready for the customers. Half an hour went by, and still no customers entered the coffee shop. The blonde decided to read the comics to pass the time. An hour later, her co-worker came in late as the blonde was still reading the comics. "Why does the sign say closed?" the co-worker asked the blonde. The blonde looked up from her comics, "Nah uh. It doesn't say closed. Look right there," she said pointing at the sign. "See, it says open."

As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the seat. Later, I called the company and was relieved that the driver had found my bag. When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded me. One man handed me my pocketbook, two typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of my purse. "We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "I think you'll find everything there." As I started to put my belongings back into the pocketbook, the man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse - and we'd like to see just how you do it."

A group of American tourists were on a guided tour through an ancient castle in Europe. "Ladies and gentlemen," the guide said, "this castle is over 700 years old. Nothing has been altered or touched in all those years." "Sounds like they have the same cheap landlord I have!" exclaimed one of the tourists.