A recent college graduate got hired by the human-development center of a large corporation to train the employees in proper dress code and etiquette. One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man who was casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her. "Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?" she said in a scolding tone. "That's one of the benefits of owning the company," the man replied with a grin.

The following is a list of undocumented Windows 95 error codes which somehow got overlooked when printing the documentation. --------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------- WinErr 001: Windows loaded - System in danger [Purchased Win95?] WinErr 002: No Error - Yet WinErr 003: Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file WinErr 004: Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong WinErr 005: Multitasking attempted - System confused WinErr 006: Malicious error - Desqview found on drive WinErr 007: System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware WinErr 008: Broken window - Watch out for

A few weeks ago, my Health teacher set up a competition, saying the winning group would win an extra credit point. We were separated into five groups; water, electricity, food, paper, and gas. Each group had to come up with at least twenty ways to preserve their element. The group that came up with the most solutions would win the extra credit point. Near the end of the of the class, the teacher had reported that there were two winning teams; electricity, and gas. They had tied equally with very good responses. The teacher then said that both of those teams would need to come up with a final way to preserve their element, and whoever had the best one, would be determined the winner. "

boodler---> kind of sounds like Boob blur! and zats why battery fucks boobler 69 times a day.

A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job. "Sorry, we don't need anyone..." they replied. "You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anything any time!" "Well, we have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, then you have a job." He was gone about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000 and another for $50,000. "How in the world did you do that?" they asked. "I told you I'm the world's best salesman, I can sell anyone anything, any time!" "Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him. "What's that?" he asked. "Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000 the company requires a urine sample. Now take these

Diplomacy: The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10, 000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A blonde." The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10, 000 with a note that said,

Yo mama so fat, she coughed next to a corn field and made popcorn.

Yo momma is so dumb, she thought a GameCube was a Rubik's puzzle.

What do you call an Irishman sitting in your backyard? Paddy O'Furniture

Beckham went into training one day and saw Owen with a thermo-flask. He asked him what it was for and Owen said "It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold". The next day Beckham came into training with a thrmo-flask. So Owen asked him what he had in it. He said "well you said it kept hot things hot, and cold things cold so Posh told me to put in some coffee and enough choc-ices for the lads but when I looked into the thermo-flask, when I got here, the choc-ices had melted!"