Popular Jokes
Top Ten Things Men Understand About Women...
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A woman went in for a breast exam. The doctor said, "Have a seat. I have to numb your breasts first."
The woman said, "Okay."
So the doctor put his face between her breasts and said, "Numb, numb, numb, numb, numb."
Once upon a time, there lived a man named Clarence who had a pet frog named Felix. Clarence lived a modestly comfortable existence on what he earned working at the Wal-Mart, but he always dreamed of being rich.
"Felix!" he exclaimed one day, "We're going to be rich! I'm going to teach you how to fly!"
Felix, of course, was terrified at the prospect: "I can't fly, you idiot......
I'm a frog, not a canary!"
Clarence, disappointed at the initial reaction, told Felix: "That negative attitude of yours could be a real problem. I'm sending you to class."
So Felix went to a three day class and learned about problem solving, time management, and effective communication.... but nothing about flyin
A soldier's letter home:
Dear Mom, I can't tell you where i am, but yesterday I shot a polar bear.
Two weeks later, another letter home:
Dear Mom, I can't tell you where I am, but yesterday i danced with a hula girl.
Two weeks later another letter home:
Dear Mom, I still can't tell you where I am, but yesterday the doctor told me I should have danced with the polar bear and shot the hula girl.
A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!"
"I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad.
"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."
"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake."
"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."
A red-head heard there was a party being held, but when she arrived, they wouldn't let her in - it was a fancy-dress party!
Disappointed but determined, she left, only to return shortly requesting admission.
She was wearing only a pair of red gloves and a pair of red shoes and when she was asked what her fancy dress was, she stood with hands raised and said, "I'm the five of hearts, of course!"
Yo mama's head so large she has to step into her shirts.
Yo mama head is so big it shows up on radar.
Yo mama's house is so dirty roaches ride around on dune buggies!
Yo mama house so dirty she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!
Yo mama teeth are so yellow she spits butter.
Yo mama's glasses so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.
Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
Yo mama's house is so small that when she orders a large pizza she has to go outside to eat it.
Yo mama's house so small you have to go outside to change your mind.
"Is that right, that you Dubliners always answer a question with another question?"
"Now, who would be telling you that?"
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1. Order a cheese burger with no cheese.
2. Ask if they would like to buy some soap.
3. Sing "I think your tractor's sexy"
4. If you're in a drive-through, say, "Man, I think you're ugly."
5. Keep changing your order for over an hour.
6. When you pull up to the window, try to make it look like your window won't go down.
7. Ask how much it would be to be in the restaurant while in the drive through.
8. Have a Chinese accent and order a soda but not a certain kind and say, "No, no Dr. Pepper he no certified doctor."
9. In the drive through say, "I'm holding Ronald McDonald hostage. For his release I want 3 big macs and a sonic toy."
10. If you're at a life insurance place, order a bi
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