iPhone is a revolutionary portable communications device, and now it's gotten even better with the iPhone 3G. Keeping your calendar up-to-date is a snap. You can go back to the day you spent $600 on the first generation iPhone, then scroll forward to see the day the price was lowered by $200. You can even view pictures of your reaction when you found out you might as well have thrown $200 bills into a urinal. And peed on them. Use the all-new scientific calculator to tally how much the new iPhone 3G is going to cost you, factoring in the 15 to 25 percent increase in monthly service charges. Don't forget to subtract what you could sell your first generation iPhone for. The new iPhone has GPS,

I have no soul. yes, Thats why I'm an asshole! I have somethin' up my ass and no, that ain't no mole. I pick on everybody 'cause I'm a nobody. My girlfriend left me. Sometimes I go crazy and go out in the streets and yell "COME FUCK ME!" Everyone asks me, "Hey, whats up your ass!".Yeah I know I've sucked a lot of ass. The juices, oh, they are delicious as they come to pass. As I sit behind my computer and write jokes, my mother chokes On my cock. And I hear a knock. And who is it? Its my friend, a Gay. So, I send my mother away. I do it hardcore. I wont let him go 'til his ass is sore Even though my dick is inches-four. I have nothing to do 'cept suck on my dirty socks 'cause I am such

There was a coconut tree and 4 animals. 1. A Elephant 2. A Monkey 3. A Tiger 4. A Mouse Which one of these animals is going to climb up the tree to get the banana? NONE! "There was a COCONUT TREE" "...the tree to get the BANANA"

A store owner makes a sign to hang in his window. FRESH FISH SOLD HERE A critic walks into the store and asks the owner if he would like his store critiqued. He says yes. "Well, first thing's the sign," says the critic. "'Fresh Fish Sold Here'? Well, where else would you sell 'em?" FRESH FISH SOLD "'Fresh Fish Sold'. What else would you be doing, giving 'em away?" FRESH FISH "'Fresh Fish'. Kinda obvious. Would you sell rotting fish?" FISH "'Fish'. People walk by, they see a fish in the window. What do they think you sell, chicken?" -

You'll never guess what just happened! I just got arrested for punching a black woman. It wasn't my fault it was my mom's. We were in Home Depot when she told me to go find a Black & Decker.

Johnny comes home from school, and shouts, "Mother!" Mother calls from upstairs, "If you wish to speak to me, come upstairs so you don't have to shout." When Johnny gets upstairs, she says, "Now, what did you want to say to me?" "Just that I trod in some dog do, but it seems to have gone now!"

If all those sweet young things were laid end to end – I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

1. You had to share a room until you were 21. 2. You try and re-use gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil. 3. You are standing next to the two largest suitcases at the airport. 4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party – and think it s normal. 5. All your children have nicknames, which sound nowhere close to their real names. 6. You know someone with 20 kids. 7. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house. 8. You can fit 10 people into a Civic. 9. Your parents never throw anything away and if you by some chance manage to get something to make it to the garbage can . . . it mysteriously appears back where it was again. 10. You have lace curtains

What is the definition of perfect pitch? When you throw the accordion into the dumpster and it lands on the banjo. What is the definition of a quarter tone? Two oboes playing in unison. What do you call a guitar player who just broke up with his girlfriend?? Homeless. How do you know if the drum stand is level? There is drool coming out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

There are three moms. . A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde. They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I can't believe she smokes weed" They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse. I can't believe she has one". So they all comfort her. Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis"

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that....... * she called me to get my phone number. * she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate." * she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. *she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. *she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. *she tried to drown a fish. *she thought a quarterback was a refund. *she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. *she tripped over a cordless phone. *she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. *she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. *she studied for a blood test. *she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. *when she heard that 90% o

An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She said to the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby brooch and Rolex watch." "But you aren't wearing any of those things," said the artist. "I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry."