Popular Jokes
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam paper:
"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat), or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant thereof.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leavi
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 3. One to change it and the other two to argue whether the lightbulb really exists.
A man goes to the doctor and says "Doctor doctor! I can't eat food through my mouth cause it hurts" The doc says "Try eating through your bum, it might help" A few weeks later the doctor sees the man walking down the road in a very weird way, he asks "Why are you walking like that? Are you hurt?" The man replies "No you fool! I'm chewing a toffie"
An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child.
The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the Doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby. "Hit him again," the 5-year-old said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"
A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books: the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. Surprised, he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books?"
"Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
Two guys are out walking their dogs one day and decide to stop at a bar to get a drink. When they get there, however, there's a sign on the door that says, "No Pets Allowed."
The guys are about to go home when one of them gets an idea. He tells his friend to wait a few minutes and then follow his lead. He puts on his sunglasses and walks in with his German Shepherd.
The bartender sees him walk in with the dog and says, "Can't you read? No pets allowed in here!"
The guy says, "But I'm blind. This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender thinks for a minute and decides to let him stay.
Meanwhile, the friend is watching through the window. He sees the plan work for the first guy so he decid
You can be sure someone is an idiot when he/she:
Spends twenty minutes looking at an orange juice box because it said concentrate.
Puts lipstick on their forhead because he wanted to makeup his mind.
Gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
Sends a fax with a stamp on it.
Was on the corner giving out potato chips yellin' "Free Lays!"
Tries to drown a fish.
If you gave them a penny for their intelligence, you'd get
change.
Thinks socialism means partying.
Trips over a cordless phone.
Takes a rule to bed to see how long they slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he put Sagittarius."
Takes 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
Studies for a blood test and fails.
Invents a s
A kid said "I have a dirty joke; a kid fell in the mud".
Another kid said, "I know a dirty joke; two kids fell into a pile of mud".
Then the other kid said, "Well, I bet I have the dirtest joke of all; 2 pigs fell into a pile of mud and 3 came out!"
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