Popular Jokes
I asked my girl-friend what she would like for her birthday, and she said she would like a green jumper.
So I bought her a frog.
A man was entering a store when he noticed a sign out by the window saying that there was a contest.
He decided to join and went to the counter, the clerk had left and the man saw a piece of paper on the counter. He picked it up, and said, Answers to the Contest: #1 is dog. #2 is Big Fat Sucker and #3 is Alaska.
Host: Okay, you know the rules, for each question you get right, you get one submitting, there will also be a jackpot question, if you get right you will win $500.00
Man: OK, I'm ready
Host: Okay, so what is the animal that flys and sucks the blood out of you?
Man: A dog!
Host: No, it's a vampire bat. Okay, next question, how did George W. Bush describe himself as?
Man: A
A blonde couple were going on a vacation to the countryside visiting their relatives. As they soon reach their relatives' home and go in, a blackout started.
On and on the couple tried to find a source of light. Finally one of the blonde asks, "Hey, Mary, can you find anything?"
Mary replies, "Nope, all I could find was this pair of flashlights."
Why did the moron stare at frozen orange juice?
Because it said 'concentrate.'
Did you hear about the moron that got an AM radio?
It took him a month to realize he could play it at night!
What did the moron say when he put a quarter in the parking meter?
Hey! Where is my gumball?
Why did the moron tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
How do you drown a moron?
Put scratch-n-sniff stickers at the bottom of the pool!
Why did the moron climb the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side!
Why can't morons dial 911?
They can't find the 11 on the phone!
There was a woman who absolutely loved the music of Billy Joel and Paul McCartney. She loved them so much she decided to have their images tattooed on her body. She went to a tattoo parlor and told the artist she wanted Billy Joel tattooed on her left thigh, and Paul McCartney tattooed on her right thigh.
When the job was completed, the artist gave her a mirror to inspect his work. She exclaimed that neither of the images looked like what they were supposed to be. The artist said let's get another opinion.
He went out to the street and asked a drunk to come in and assist with a little problem. There sat the woman, with her legs apart, and the artist asked the drunk what he saw. He replied
DMV jokes get old really fast. Unlike the DMV. You have to go through a special line to become old.
A waiter on a ship said to a boarding lion "sir, do you want anything of the chef's special?" The lion said "nah..I'll look at the passenger list,though!"
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either.
Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
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