Popular Jokes
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
What happens if you get scared halfway to death twice?
If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If you write a book about failure, and it doesn't sell, is it a success?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
If Superman is so smart, why does he wear underpants over his trousers?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Why is it that if someone tells you there are 1 billion stars in the universe, you will believe them, but if someone tells you a wall has wet paint yo
When you go into the bathroom you're Russian; when you are in the bathroom, European; when you come out of the bathroom, you're Finnish.
You have to read the nationalities slowly
Q. what is more diffucult than getting a pregnant elephant in your car?
A. getting an elephant pregnant in your car
Did you hear about the two peanuts who got mugged on their walk down the street?
They were assaulted
Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full, so I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the
Why was Moses wandering through the desert for 40 years?
Because blokes refuse to ask for directions.
Here are more funny thoughts from www.crazythoughts.com.
Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?
Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?
Why is a square meal served on round plates?
Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1?
Which way does a compass point in space?
Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but why can't we run outside naked?
Why do all superheroes wear spandex?
If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?
Why did Mary own a
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that yo
A computer teacher who doesn't speak good english tells his student "Paul open the window let the Air Force Come."
At another time the same teacher and his wife sees one of his students in mall. The next day the teacher says to the student "Tim, yesterday I saw you with my wife at the mall."
Patient:"Doctor,my wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages."
Psychiatrist: "Rubbish! I like sausages too."
Patient: Good,you should come and see my collection. I've got hundreds."
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