Popular Jokes
California Version
The latest telephone poll taken by the California Governor's office asked whether people who live in California think illegal immigration is a serious problem:
29% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem."
71% of respondents answered: "No es un problema serio."
Every year the class of Ms. Marquez has a class urine contest. The goal is to be the one to pee the most. If you do, you win. There are four contestants. One is from Japan, another is from the United States, the next is from Mexico, and the last, but definitely not the least, is from the Philippines.
The Japanese filled a gallon with urine. The audience clapped. The American filled five big tanks of urine. The audience clapped and shouted. The Mexican filled five big tank and a gallon with urine. The audience clapped, shouted, and danced. Here is the Filipino. When th Filipino finished his turn, there were no one who clapped, shouted, nor danced, because the whole classroom was filled with
I thought up ALL OF THEESE. I am NOT duplicating anyone (except for 15 and 14, from the American 'Whose Line is it anyway?') So if you want a good "Fun things" and you don't want to keep seeing duplicates, read on.
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1.When the math teacher asks you a question, purposely answer incorrectly. Persist. See how long it keeps going.
In my class, this really happened with a kid named Rahul. The teacher asked him how many centimeters were in a meter, and he kept on saying "1" and he kept it going for the rest of the period. ( 20 minutes!!! )
2. When reading a book, scream, "NO! DON'T!!! LOOK OUT!"
3. Whenever you pick up a pencil, say the word "potato" or some other ra
Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev and Brezhnev are all travelling together in a railway carriage.
Unexpectedly, the train stops. Lenin suggests: "Perhaps we should call a subbotnik, so that workers and peasants fix the problem."
Stalin puts his head out of the window and shouts, "If the train does not start moving, the driver will be executed!"
But the train doesn't start moving.
Khrushchev then shouts, "Let's take the rails behind the train and use them to construct the tracks in the front."
But it still doesn't move. Brezhnev then says, "Comrades, comrades, let's draw the curtains, turn on the gramophone and pretend we're moving!"
I'm not even sure this is funny (although it was at the time), but it was just a random happening:
I was texting my friend and playing temple run at the same time, and something occurred to me. I said, "If I were a Temple Run character, no one would buy me... I cannot slide on my back, jump over tall objects, run fast (most definitely not), or pick up coins by running through them. I would die in the first 30 seconds." He replied, "I would buy u, just so I could get the achievement of sexy seven."
This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"H
One day a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw a guy eating grass He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, "Why are you eating grass".
The man replied, "I'm so poor, I can't afford a thing to eat."
So the laywer said, "Poor guy, come back to my house."
The guys then said, "But I have a wife and three kids." The layers told him to bring them along.
When they were all in the car, the poor man said, "Thanks for taking us back to your house, it is so kind of you."
The laywer said, "You're going to love it there, the grass is a foot tall."
How many boy scouts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three- Each to do one good turn daily.
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10, 000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."
The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.
The blonde opened the bag and found the $10, 000 with a note that said,
A guy responds to a job position at the city zoo. The ad mentioned the salary but not what he would be doing. He soon learns that the zoo's gorilla had unexpectedly passed away. The zoo had just spent millions on promotions that focused on the gorilla, and now they needed a gorilla. The guy really needed the job and the money was good so he accepted.
Every day, he would put on the gorilla suit, hang out in his cage, and be the gorilla. After a while, he started enjoying himself. He would scare little kids, roar at the crowds, and eat bananas. As time wore on, he became the main attraction at the zoo. He would swing on his trees and vines, and the people loved him.
One particularly busy S
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