This is not supposed to be funny. I want to make a public apology for the temper tantrum I threw earlier today. I still don't get it but I am sorry for blaming everyone else for my problems. AC3P1L07 P.S. please vote this as funny so more people will see it.

Fred had just came back from a hiking trip, when his friend, George, asked how it was. "It was great!" said Fred, except on my way home I accidentally awoke a lion....it started chasing me....at one time he was so close, that I could feel his breath on my neck, but then he slipped!! He caught up again, and I could smell his foul breath right behind me, but he slipped again! Then he was so close, his paw reached out, inches away from my shoulders. Yet he slipped, for the third time! That is when I spotted a car and got a ride back here!" "Wow!", says George, "If that happened to me I would Have wet my pants!!" Fred looks at him and says "What do you think the lion kept slipping on?"

Have you ever heard of the kissing shield? No? then look at this list of crazy inventions people just like you made; Kissing shield Face bake Horse diaper Whopper wheels Skateboard pirate Light bulb changer Beach boots Remote controlled horse Flying bike Baby bottom art Pump power Dummy chicken farmer Airplane moisturizer Alarm fork All terrain stroller Aqua swing Baby cage Ball blinders Banana head BIRD CAT TRAP FEEDER Boob tube Boatless water skiing Hijacker detector And many more dumb inventions soon to come. Be watching!

THIS JOKE IS NOT MEANT TO OFFEND ANYBODY There's this guy Joe who has a parrot that he adores. Well, Joe has to go on a trip and doesn't know what to do about his parrot. Three of his buddies, who live together, offer to take him in. The three guys are Norwegian, Swiss, and African-American. Joe completely trusts these guys so he leaves his parrot with them for the week. When Joe comes back he find his bird all bandaged up. He has a broken wing, a fractured leg, and bruises all over. He asks his parrot, "Well, what happened?" The parrot replies "I kind of got beat up" Joe asks, "Was it the Norwegian?" The parrot says, "No, he was very nice." Joe again asks, "Well, was it the Swiss?

Yo momma is like a bus; she's big, doesn't smell very good, and it's only a dollar a ride.

I decided to kill the sexiest person alive, but then I realized suicide is illegal.

It was slightly before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood. Going to check in his luggage (which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes), he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointier parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort

Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow. Chuck Norris does know what Willis is talking about! Chuck Norris don't open no can of whoopass. He makes his own. Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the face before the bullet hit. Chuck Norris's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius. The world's fastest car has 7 gears. 5, 6, and Chuck Norris. The active ingredient in Red Bull is Chuck Norris's sweat. The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Chuck Norris' left and right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his beard. When Chuck Norris goes to Vegas, he doesn't

Joe: Do you know the difference between a chicken and lettuce? Jill: No. Joe: Remind me not to send you to the supermarket!

one of my friends was in trouble because he had sex with his teacher, but the bad part is he's home schooled

Yo momma so dumb she asked for a price check at the .99 cent store!

Yo momma so lazy, she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs. Yo momma so lazy, she's got a remote control just to operate her remote! Yo momma so lazy, she came in last place in a recent snail marathon.