HWAYETRDETIPZLHV OMNLTESOSHSUZEAE 32. Reading one letter from the top row and then one from the bottom row, the puzzle reads: 'How many letters does this puzzle have'.

I'm so good that even yo momma cheers for me!

Q:Why can peter pan fly? A:Because if you got hit in the peter with a pan you'd fly too.

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. 3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day. 4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join. 5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners. 6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap. 7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters. 8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit. 9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles. 10. Walk up to an employee and tell him i

A store owner makes a sign to hang in his window. FRESH FISH SOLD HERE A critic walks into the store and asks the owner if he would like his store critiqued. He says yes. "Well, first thing's the sign," says the critic. "'Fresh Fish Sold Here'? Well, where else would you sell 'em?" FRESH FISH SOLD "'Fresh Fish Sold'. What else would you be doing, giving 'em away?" FRESH FISH "'Fresh Fish'. Kinda obvious. Would you sell rotting fish?" FISH "'Fish'. People walk by, they see a fish in the window. What do they think you sell, chicken?" -

Do you think god gets stoned? I do. Look at the platypus! -Robin Williams

This is by me, the asshole who dupes himeself.

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go

Ever since Rhianna got dumped by her boyfriend, she put all the stuff that was his or made her remember him she put : " to the left to the left... in the box on the left..."

On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung." I took a drink from my can of Budweiser, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened Ray ban Sunglasses and stared directly at this nosey neighbor and then calmly replied, "I am, that's why she cuts the grass."

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. "No," he said, "the steaks are too high."

Your mama's so ugly, she stuck her face out the window and cops pulled her over for mooning.