A young priest has just left the seminary and been sent to his first parish to work alongside an old experienced priest Father Brown. When he arrives the old priest welcomes him with open arms, explaining that he has been working alone and hasn't had a day off in years. He asks the new priest to take confesson so that he can have a break. The young priest is very nervous as he hasn't done it for real before. The old priest explains that it's easy as he has produced a tariff, and he gives him the list: Telling lies - one Hail Mary; Stealing - one Our Father; etc; etc. So the young priest goes into the confessional and everything seems to be going okay. "Father, I have told a lie," - one

50 FUN THINGS TO DO ON FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL: 1. Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the professor makes by waving it and saying, "Quite right, old bean!" 2. Wear X-Ray Specs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to focus the overhead projector. 3. Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth into sharp points. 4. Sit in the front and color in your textbook. 5. When the professor calls your name in roll, respond "that's my name, don't wear it out!" 6. Introduce yourself to the class as the "master of the pan flute". 7. Give the professor a copy of The Watchtower. Ask him where his soul would go if he died tomorrow. 8. Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to s

A man was walking along the beach when he saw bottle. Curious, he picked it up and was wiping the sand off it when out came a genie. "I will grant you three wishes," said the genie. The man couldn't believe it. "First, I want ten million dollars in a Swiss bank account." Poof! The genie handed the man a piece of paper with his account information on it. "Next, I want to be the smartest man in the world." Poof! The man instantly became smart. "Now, I want to be irresistible to women." Poof! The man was changed into a huge box of chocolates.

Apparently safe sex takes on a whole new meaning when you are perched on the edge of a roof four stories in the air! On June 20, 2007 at 5 AM a 21 year-old couple was found naked in the road by a passing cabbie. Brent Tyler and Chelsey Tubleston were unconscious with obvious injuries and were taken to the nearest hospital where, despite treatment, were pronounced dead later that morning. Authorities were at a loss to explain what had happened. There were no wrecked cars, motorcycles, or any other witnesses to what had happened – and there were no signs of their clothing! Police found clues when they searched the top of a nearby building where they located their clothes, neatly folded. "I

Why do you never hear father-in-law jokes?

wat do u call a female dog?

A priest wanted to go to the post office, so he asked a little boy the way. The boy took him to the post office. The priest said to the boy, "Thank you. Come to the church tomorrow and I will show you the way to Heaven." The boy turned and said, "But you don't even know the way to the post office."

A new bride told her husband she was concerned that their honeymoon suite in the Watergate Hotel in Washington, D.C., might still be bugged from the Watergate scandal days. The groom agreed to check it out. He looked behind the drapes, he looked behind the pictures, he looked behind the mirrors, he looked under the rug and... "HEY!" he shouted. Under the rug was a small plate with four screws! He unscrewed the screws with his knife and threw them and the plate out the window. "There, that takes care of any bugs," he reassured his new bride. And the couple quickly jumped in bed and did what newlyweds do. The next morning, the hotel manager knocked on their door and asked the couple, "Was

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime. Give a man a fire, he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, he's warm for the rest of his life.

Because Lexus created the park it your self car many Mexicans lost their jobs.

Chris and his friend Johnathan are standing outside of school one day. Johnathan finds Chris wearing his hair black and slicked down, with a purple stripe, with mascara and nail polish and a Korn t-shirt. Johnathan: So, Chris, what's with the new outfit? Chris: I'm Emo. Johnathan: You are not Emo. Chris: Yeah I am, my life has no meaning and I listen to Korn; I'm extremely Emo. Johnathan: Did you watch Family Guy last night? Chris: Yeah. Johnathan: ... Chris: ...OH! Guess I'm not Emo. Johnathan: Yup. Chris: Can I still listen to Korn? Johnathan: Sure.

A wig factory was broken into last night and a large quantity of wigs was stolen. Police are combing the area.