Popular Jokes
A woman, who had just been married to a gambling man, had learned upon marrying him that he always came home well after midnight.
She didn't like this one bit, and no amount of reasoning with him would make him miss a night out with the guys, so every night for a week she would stay up till he came home, and when she heard him enter the house she would call out:
"Is that you, Ben?"
She did this for a week, and then he started coming home promptly at 7:00 every night. Why, you might ask?
His name was Jacob.
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.
"You can't get out of your room?" the captaind asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here," she cried, "one is the ba
There was a tailor in a little village who was known to brutally attack and torture his wife by clobbering her head with a club and stab her with needles. The villagers decided that they should bring the tailor to justice, so they arrested him and took him to the village elders. The elders believed everyone should have a second chance, so they gave the tailor one last chance. They told him," We will give you one last chance for you and your wife to share sorrow and happiness together. If you don't, you will be sent to the gallows to be hanged." The villagers gleefully looked on as the tailor somberly walked home.
The first few weeks went well, but after that, the tailor started clobbering
Q: What does a blonde do when it gets cold?
A: Sits around a candle
Q: What does she do when it gets really cold?
A: Lights it
One day a man was sitting in his favorite chair watching football when his wife walked up behind him and knocked him over the head with a frying pan.
When he woke he asked, "What the hell was that for?!?"
"I found this piece of paper in your pants while I was doing your laundry and it says Mary Lou 555-5555. Who the hell is Mary Lou?!?" she asks.
"Aww honey, that's the name of the horse I was bettin' on last week!"
"Oh I'm so sorry honey!"
Three weeks later she came behind him and knocked him over the head with a frying pan and once again he woke up asking, "What the hell did I do this time?!?"
"Your horse called," she replied.
Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full, so I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the
You may not know this but many non-living things have a
gender.
1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything
in, but you can see right through them.
2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it
takes a while to warm them up again.
3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often
over inflated.
4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go
anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of
course, there's the hot air part.
5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft,
squeezable and retain water.
6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting
hit on.
7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old
lines to pick people up.
8) An Hourglass is Female, bec
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