People always say that hard work never killed anybody. Oh yeah? When's the last time ya ever heard of anyone who "rested to death?"

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. - W. C. Fields.

Subject: 1997 Darwin Award Winner!!! For those who don't know, this award is an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way; thus, eliminating his/her genetic material from the gene pool. For those of you who do know about the award, you may recall last year's Darwin Award winner: the man who found out moments before making a 300 MPH dent in an Arizona cliff that the JATO (Jet Assist Take-Off) unit he'd strapped to his car was not equipped with an off switch. 1995's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which fell on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. And

Mike and Joe, two buddies, were talking when Joe asked, "Hey Mike, do you have a rake?" "No," Mike replied. Joe questioned, "Well, then will ask your sister to come to my house this weekend to help with something?" Mike, even though he thought this was a strange request, consented, and later talked his sister into it. That weekend, Mike, overcome with curiosity, drove to Joe's. Joe called out that he and Mike's sister were in the back yard. After walking around, Mike saw Joe holding Mike's sister updide down by her toes and pushing and pulling her through Joe's flower garden. Obviously shocked, Mike yelled in surprise, "What the heck do you think you are doing?" Calml

If you can touch it and you can see it, it's REAL. If you can touch it but you can't see it, it's TRANSPARENT. If you can't touch it but you can see it, it's VIRTUAL. If you can't touch it and you can't see it, it's GONE.

I wouldn't have believed this unless I seen it with my own eyes. I was walking down a street in the city I live in and noticed a store was going out of business. In the window was a huge sign "GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE", directly below that sign was another sign that said "NOW HIRING!" Talk about no job security!

What do call a crying alien baby? An Unidentifyed Crying Object!

One day I gonna to Malta to a big hotel, in the morning I go down to eat a breakfast. I tell the waitress that I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her "I wanna two pieces". She say "Go to the toilet". I say "you don't understand, I wanna two pieces on my plate". She say to me, "you better not piss on the plate, you sonnawabitch". I do not even know this lady and she call me a sonnawabitch!! Later I go to eat at a bigger restaurant. The waiter brings me a Spoon and a knief but no fock. I tell her "I wanna a fock" and she tella me : "everyone wanna fuck". I tella her " you don't understand me...I wanna fock on the table". She say : "you better not fuck on the tab

If a fly can fly, can an elephant elephant?

Yo Mamma soo fat she sat on a quarter and a booger popped out of George Washington's nose

A Japanese and an American are sitting next to each other in an airplane. The Japanese turns to the American and says "We are so technically advanced that we have exact replicas of ourselves so we can be at two places at the same time". He continues, "Therefore, I can be at work and at the same time have sex with my wife." All this while the American stays silent, then suddenly gets up and starts shaking his hips back and forth. The Japanese, confused, asks "What the hell are you doing?" The American, still shaking his hips, replies "I'm fucking my wife via Bluetooth!"

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes andquickly departed... The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought