Yo Momma so poor her front door and back door are in the same room. Yo Momma so poor she kicked a can across the street and a man asked "what are you doing?" and she said "I'm moving."

She used to have a broad mind and a narrow waist; now it's the other way round. It was a very emotional wedding; even the cake was in tiers. Psychic wanted – you know why, and where to apply. I don't think they really wanted me in the marching band – they gave me a piano. Then, when we played hide and seek, no-one came to look for me.

Two criminals are talking in a jail cell. "What are you in for?" "Something I did NOT do!" "Sooo... you're innocent? What did you not do?" "I DIDN'T run fast enough!"

Hi, this is Johan advising you that you spend WAY too much time on the phone. GO OUTSIDE... See the world, LIVE a little... Have fun.

A very mean, nasty, unattractive woman enters the Wal-Mart store with her two kids. The Wal-Mart greeter says hello to the kids and then hello to the lady who just grunts at the greeter in return. The greeter asks the lady, "Great kids! Are they twins?" "No," replies the lady, "one is 9 the other is 7. Do they look like twins?" "No," the greeter says, "I just couldn't believe you could get laid twice."

WARNING: if your answer "yes" to any of these questions then you know that you are weird and you believe too much in dragons. Ocasionally when you see a bird do you find yourself saying "O merlin hand me my mighty sword so I can slay this foul dragon"? Do you find yourself trying to rob a bank with a bow and arrow? Do you have any "magic staffs" lying around? Do you search for dragon eggs for at least 1 hour every day? Do you refer to your car as your "trusty steed"? Do your think your phone is a magical scrying device? When you call the cops, do you call them the saviors? Have you ever seen yourself writing in an ancient language(A.K.A. gibberish.)? When you kill something or when

There were these two professors arguing over which one had the dumber child. Each professor thought his was the bigger idiot. The first professor yells, "There is no way that your son is dumber. My son has to be THE stupidest kid on Earth." The second professor says, "No way, Jose. My son is the bigger idiot." The first professor says, "Let me prove it to you. Hey Jake! (Jake runs to his fathe.r) I don't know if I left myself at the office or not. Would you run there and find out. If I'm there then tell me to come home and eat dinner." The son says, gleefully, "Sure dad," and runs off. The second professor not to be outdone says "Oh yea! Watch this! Hey Sam! Come here! (Sam runs to h

(Washington DC): A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a check - a forged check. He got 10 years. (Virginia): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head - and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eye holes in the mask. (Maryland): A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole - are you ready for this? - the bank's video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.) (Washington, DC): A

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked, "Do you know what it is?" "No, I don't," said the little boy. "OK, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your Mom before he goes to work." Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it out! It's a piece of ass!"

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours. A goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds.

A couple visit a sex therapist, who asked the wife, "What's your main complaint about your sex life? She replied, "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation." The therapist asked the husband, "Is this true?" He replied, "Well, not exactly, I don't suffer. She does."

#1 Do you know the names of the three wise monkeys? They are: Mizaru(See no evil), Mikazaru(Hear no evil), and Mazaru(Speak no evil). 2 # Warner Comm. paid $28 million for the copyright to the song 'Happy Birthday.' #3 Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. #4 A comet's tail always points away from the sun. #5 The "Swine flu" vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent. #6 Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some medicines. #7 The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity. #8 If yo