This couple is walking to a bank, and they're trying to get at a savings account, when suddenly a bank robber comes in. He tells everyone to get against the wall, then he told the banker to put all the money in the bag. He then walks up to a man, and said, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The man replies, "Yes." Bang, he shoots him. He gos to another man; "Did you see me rob this bank?" The man gives no answer, then the robber puts the gun up to his head and said, "Did you see me rob this bank?" "Yes," the man replies. The robber shoots him, then he goes up to the couple and once again said, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The man replies, "No, but my wife did."

Where people wait for buses. (the-bus-station)

A flaming elf. (imp-alight)

Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind.

A hotel. A room for four with four strangers. Three of them soon open a bottle of vodka and proceed to get acquainted, then drunk, then noisy, singing and telling political jokes. The fourth one desperately tries to get some sleep; finally, frustrated, he surreptitiously leaves the room, goes downstairs, and asks the lady concierge to bring tea to Room 67 in ten minutes. Then he returns and joins the party. Five minutes later, he bends over an ashtray and says with utter nonchalance: "Comrade Major, some tea to Room 67, please." In a few minutes, there's a knock at the door, and in comes the lady concierge with a tea tray. The room falls silent; the party dies a sudden death, and the conspir

*This is from a comic called Pearls Before Swine, I just wanted to share it with you guys(crowd goes *awwww*)* Dentist(on phone p-D): Hi, this is Dr. Smith's office calling to remind you about your dental appointment tomorrow. Other Person(P): Can't make it. D: Why? P: Profanity. It offends me. D: I didn't use profanity. P: Car won't start. D: You live a block away. P: 2 broken feet. D: We'll send a cab. P: No money. D: We'll pay. P: Mom died. D: You said that last year. P: Dad this time. D: You don't know which? P: Can't keep track. D: OF YOUR PARENTS?!?! P: When training for a marathon. D: On 2 broken feet? P: I drive the race. D: Your car won't start. P: I take a cab. D: You have no mone

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go

AA and AA

Sven and Ole are visiting a relative in Texas. While walking along the street, they see a sign on a store front which reads: Suits $5.00 each Shirts $2.00 each Trousers $2.50 per pair Sven says to his pal, "Hey Ole! We could buy a whole lot of dem and ven ve get back to Minnesota, ve could sell them and make a fortune." "Now ven ve go into the shop, yust let me do all da talkin' cause if dey hear your Minnesota accent dey might tink ve are dumb Norwegians and try ta raise da price - but I can speak with a perfect Texas drawl." They go in, and Sven drawls out an order of 50 suits at $5.00 each, 100 shirts at $2.00 each and 50 pair of trousers at $2.50 each. The owner of the shop says "Yo

Wee Hughie came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Hughie?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change." Wee Hughie sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning. The wife decided to drive me to the harbour. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the ferry didn't turn up. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river, ran over the mountain, borrowed a bicycle and cycled the 20 miles through the glen to this office." "You'll have to do better than that. Hughie," said his boss, disappointed. "No woman can be ready in ten minutes."

Strategic responses to the ever-dangerous "Do I look Fat" question: "No, not to Stevie Wonder." "No babe, you're not fat, you're fluffy." "Does this tie make me look stupid?" "No hablo ingles." "If I answer that question, my life will be in danger." "Let me jog around to your front and take a look." "No, honey. But just to be safe, steer clear of one-legged sea captains." "May I consult a lawyer before answering that?" "Look at your belt size honey, if it says 'equator' on the tag you know the answer."

A man was searching the dictionary for the word 'Dictionary'. He found this meaning: Dictionary is the thing you are holding, Stupid. Wondering what the definition of stupid was, he searched for the word stupid, he found: Is that you again?