Popular Jokes
Our new greengrocery is now starting!
We feature lead-free gasoline, phosphorus-free washing powder, fluorine-free refrigerator, ..., and iodine-free salt.
There are three moms. .
A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde.
They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I can't believe she smokes weed"
They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse. I can't believe she has one". So they all comfort her.
Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis"
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the store picking out a large box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
"Oh, no laundry," the boy said. "I'm going to wash my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."
But the boy was not stopped by this and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store doing some shopping. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
"Oh, he d
Man says to his girlfriend
You're the only woman on this planet I won't. Oh by the way, I'm taken a trip to Mars next week.
If life is a waste of time,
and time is a waste of life,
then let's all get wasted together,
and have the time of our lives!
A guy was at a strip club, and he had glitter all over him, but he didn't know it. He got in his car, and drove home, and it was about 11:30 when he got home. His wife was standing at the door when he got home. He kissed her, then told her that he was tired and wanted to go to sleep.
His wife stopped him before he went upstairs to their room. She asked, "So why do you have glitter all over you?" Her husband thought quick and replied meekly, "Makin' you a card..."
Did you know that heaven and hell are actually right next to each other? They are seperated by a big chain-link fence. Well, one day hell was having a big party and it got a little out of hand. God heard the ruckus and arrived to find his fence completely smashed by the wild partiers. He called the devil over and said "Look, Satan, you have to rebuild this fence." Satan agreed. The next day God noticed that the devil had completely rebuilt the fence...but it was 2 feet further into heaven than before.
"Satan!" beckoned God. "You have to take that fence down and put it back where it belongs!"
"Yeah? What if I don't?" replied the devil.
"I'll sue you if I have to," answered God.
"Sure,"
A woman hurries home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband says, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she says. "Just get the hell out."
Coca-Cola was originally green.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
1/4 of LA is taken up of automobiles.
The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska.
2 out of 5 people live in China or India.
Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61000.
The city with the most Rolls Royces per capita: Hong Kong.
The most commonly used password on computer systems is "password".
The youngest pope was 11 years old.
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
Q. What separates
A man is playing poker, and sees a sign that says: If You Have A Gambling Problem call 1-800-GAMBLING. So the man calls the hotline and says, "The guy on my right has an ace and a two, I have a three and a jack, there is a four, a five, and a queen on the table, what should I do?"
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