What do you call a cute volcano? Lava-ble!

I was in McDonald's one time when the lady in front of me ordered a cheeseburger and requested no cheese. Now I don't know about you, but that sounds like a hamburger to me. Many years ago I worked in a delicatessen. The assistant manager had burnt something in the oven and smoke was pouring from the kitchen area. When the store manager came by and asked why she hadn't opened the emergency fire exit door to allow the smoke to go outside she said, "I thought about it, but I couldn't find the key!" A friend of mine and I were on a little road trip with his wife driving. Everything was pretty quiet when she turned to us and asked, "If you are driving 70mph, about how far would you go in an

After preschool the road of life keeps getting bumpier and bumpier and bumpier. Angela Martin, age 11 Never blow in a cat's ear because if you do, usually after three or four times, they will bite your lips! And they don't let go for at least a minute. Lisa Coburn, age 9 Don't think life is easy, because when you get older it is hard work. I used to think life was easy, now I have to do the dishes every other day. Nick Coleman, age 9 Take risks. I mean, if you like this person and you don't know if they like you, ask them out and see what happens. I liked this girl and I asked her out. She said no and she hates me now, but I took that risk. Bruce Wagner, age 13 A realist is more correct

Stay with this - the answer is at the end. It will blow you away. One evening a grandson was talking to his grandmother about current events.The grandson asked his grandmother what she thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general. The grandma replied, "Well, let me think a minute. I was born before: * television * penicillin * polio shots * frozen foods * Xerox * contact lenses * Frisbees and * the pill There were no: * credit cards * laser beams or * ball-point pens Man had not invented: * pantyhose * air conditioners * dishwashers * clothes dryers * and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and man hadn't yet walked on the moon. You

A recent survey shows that 95% of men admit to pleasuring themselves sexually... and that the remaining 5% are liars!!

Mr. See and Mr. Soar were old friends. See owned a saw and Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw before Soar saw See, which made Soar sore. Had Soar seen See's saw before See saw Soar's seesaw, then See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. But See saw Soar and Soar's seesaw before Soar saw See's saw, so See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw. It was a shame to let See see Soar so sore just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw!!!

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back! Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team? Because she ran away from the ball! Why was it hot after the basketball game? Because all the fans were gone! Why is tennis such a noisy game? Because everyone raises such a racket! What did the grape do when he got squashed? He gave out a little whine! What kind of key doesn't fit into a keyhole? A keyboard key! How do you stop meatballs from drowning? Put them in gravy boats. What is the demons' favorite TV sitcom? Friends. Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin. What did

A newlywed sailor is informed by the navy that he's going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the South Pacific for 2 years. A few weeks after he gets there he really starts to miss his new wife, so he writes her a letter. "My darling," he writes, "it looks like we're going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and we're constantly surrounded by young, attractive native girls. The temptation's terrible. I need some kind of hobby to keep my mind off them." His wife sends him back a harmonica with a note reading, "Why don't you learn to play this?" Eventually his tour of duty comes to an end and he rushes back to his wife. "Darling" he say

I use to eat natural foods, but then I found out that 65% of all people die of natural causes.

Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? John: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? Glen: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________ Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________ Teacher: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? Clyde: No, teacher, it's the same dog. ___________________________________ Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps

A single coffee tree produces only about a pound of coffee beans a year. The only bird that can swim but not fly is the penguin. The tallest man was 8'11" The first vacuum was so large; it was brought to a house by horse. A female kangaroo is called a flyer.

The first TV remote control, introduced in 1950, was called Lazy Bones. Lemon sharks can give birth to about 36 babies at one time. The top of the Empire State Building was originally built as a place to anchor blimps. The area code in Cape Canaveral, Fl, is 321.