Popular Jokes
Sven and Ole are visiting a relative in Texas. While walking along the street, they see a sign on a store front which reads:
Suits $5.00 each
Shirts $2.00 each
Trousers $2.50 per pair
Sven says to his pal, "Hey Ole! We could buy a whole lot of dem and ven ve get back to Minnesota, ve could sell them and make a fortune."
"Now ven ve go into the shop, yust let me do all da talkin' cause if dey hear your Minnesota accent dey might tink ve are dumb Norwegians and try ta raise da price - but I can speak with a perfect Texas drawl."
They go in, and Sven drawls out an order of 50 suits at $5.00 each, 100 shirts at $2.00 each and 50 pair of trousers at $2.50 each.
The owner of the shop says "Yo
1. You wear a D... & A-C is tissue paper.
2. Your friends are guys, your partners are girls.
3. Anorexia is a four-letter word.
4. Pink is your favorite color... & hot pink is second.
5. Monika Lewinski is your role model.
6. You think foreign affairs is screwing two French guys.
7. M.U.D.D. means must use drugs daily.
8. ADIDAS means All Day I Dream About Sex.
9. ADIDAS applies to you.
10. It takes half of a lite beer to get you totally wasted.
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock.
Baby conceived naturally; Scientists stumped.
Authentic year 2000 "Chad" sells at Sotheby's for $1.6 million.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2044.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.
35 year st
1. Think of a number.
2. Multiply it by 3.
3. Now add 5.
4. Take away the number you first thought of.
5. Now add 7.
6. Subtract 2.
7. Add back the number you first thought of.
8. Now, close your eyes.
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Dark, isn't it? :-)
Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying to break. For me, it's biting my fingernails. One day I told my husband about my latest solution: press-on nails.
"Great idea, honey," he smiled. "You can eat them straight out of the box."
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his as
Once there was an old man 70 years old named Bob who was married to his 73 year old wife, Mary.
They had their grandchild, named Caroline over. Once they got home from their walk, Bob offered Caroline some hot chocolate, toast, and eggs.
"Of course!" She said with delight.
Then, Bob goes in to make the meal for Caroline and Mary follows to help.
Bob and Mary take an hour to walk into the kitchen, take three hours making the meal, and take an hour to walk back into the living room in which Caroline was in with the meal.
Caroline noticed, "Hey, you forgot the Hot chocolate and toast!"
My cat is crazy. I had just sat down to eat my hot dog when she jumped in my lap. She scared the crap out of me. I mean, I literally screamed. Then I'm like, "Whatever." and I went back to my hot dog. Then I felt something sharp on my fingers. That stupid thing was biting me! Poor thing just wanted some food.
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