Popular Jokes
Dear __________________________,
   I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening come available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition: (Check those that apply)
__ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
__ Your first name is ob
These are just a few of those typical sexist jokes- they make me chuckle ( or groan) so ya know- I'm a girl : )
*what's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
- A woman who won't do what she's told.
*I married Mrs. Right- I just wish I'd known her first name was Always *
* How many men does it take to open a beer?
-None. It should be open by thetime she brings it
* What is the best way to always remember your wife's birthday?
- Forget it once
Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Here's that $20 I owe you," he says.
Little Johnny and Susie were only 10 years old, but they just knew that they were in love. One day they decided that they wanted to get married, so Johnny went to Susie's father to ask him for her hand.
Johnny bravely walked up to him and said "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replied, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replied "In Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith said with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not
A man and a woman had been married for ten years and decided to try and have kids. They had not been using birth control for the entire time they had been married, so they thought they may have a problem conceiving.
The woman, who was hard of hearing, decided to go to the gynecologist and see if the problem was with her. The doctor examined her and came in to give her the conclusions.
He said, "I'm sorry, but the problem is with you. You have insufficient passion, and if you ever have a baby, it will be a miracle."
The woman was very upset and went home crying. Her husband got home and asked her what was wrong.
She said, "The doctor told me I've got a fish up my passage and if I ever hav
THIS JOKE IS NOT MEANT TO OFFEND ANYBODY
There's this guy Joe who has a parrot that he adores. Well, Joe has to go on a trip and doesn't know what to do about his parrot.
Three of his buddies, who live together, offer to take him in. The three guys are Norwegian, Swiss, and African-American. Joe completely trusts these guys so he leaves his parrot with them for the week.
When Joe comes back he find his bird all bandaged up. He has a broken wing, a fractured leg, and bruises all over.
He asks his parrot, "Well, what happened?" The parrot replies "I kind of got beat up"
Joe asks, "Was it the Norwegian?"
The parrot says, "No, he was very nice."
Joe again asks, "Well, was it the Swiss?
While driving to work, I found myself behind an old Ford Falcon, with five teenage boys inside. The best part was the bumper sticker in the center of the rear window. It read:
DON'T LAUGH, YOUR DAUGHTER COULD BE IN HERE!
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