A little boy walks into a ice cream parlor to buy ice cream. Worker: Hello little boy, can I help you? Little boy: Yes, I want some chocolate ice cream, please. Worker: Sorry, we're out of choclate. Little boy: Ok, I'll have some...........chocolate. Worker: Once again, we're out of chocolate, pick another flavor. Little boy: Hm................ I like chocolate! Worker thinks to himself. Worker: So boy, do you want some chocolate? Little boy: But there is no freakin chocolate! Worker: Exactly!

How do you know if you have the swine flu? You wake up in pigtails and then break out in rashers!

Q: What did Jane say to Tarzan when she saw the elephants coming? A: Here come the plums; she was color blind.

As of 11-23-09, my score was 1337. How the hell that happened beats me. I thought I was a crappy joke writer. This is boring isn't it? Thought so. At least it's not a dupe. Or is it... Nope, it's not. Boring as hell, right? Thought so.

Here is a fragment of a crossword puzzle. P _ O _ _ _ Clue: Something that is often brown and hard to clean. Answer: Poodle.

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.

Mary had a little lamb, fries and a coke.

I don't know much about prison, but it sounds like a pain in the ass.

GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie Kissed the girls and made them cry. When the boys came out to play He kissed them as well, he's funny that way.

"Flight 2341, for noise abatement, turn right 45 degrees." "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

What do you call a holy man that fries potatoes? A chipmonk