Thor: The Scandinavian god of acheth and painth.

Billy's teacher sent a note home to Mom saying, "Billy is a very bright boy, but spends much too much time thinking about girls and sex." The next day Mom sent a note back to the teacher saying, "If you happen to find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Dad."

How can a person living in Minnesota be buried in Milwaukee?

One day a 6 year old was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little boy: TEACHER: Tommy do you see the tree outside? TOMMY: Yes. TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside? TOMMY: Yes. TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky. TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky. TEACHER: Did you see God? TOMMY: No. TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. He just doesn't exist. A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions. The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy: LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the tree outside? TOMMY: Yes LITT

Knowledge cannot enter the head via an open mouth.

Covina, Calif: I recall reading something years ago about the Pledge of Allegiance. Some child thought it began, "I led the pigeons to the flag." Cleveland, Ohio: When I was little, I often wondered who Richard Stands was. You know - "I pledge allegiance to the flag and to the Republic for Richard Stands."

What do you call a woman with no asshole? Divorced.

Bar Translations 1. "YOU GET THIS ONE, NEXT ROUND IS ON ME." (We won't be here long enough to get another round.) 2. "I'LL GET THIS ONE, NEXT ONE IS ON YOU." (Happy hour is about to end...drafts are now a dollar,but by the next round they'll be $4.50 a pop.) 3. "HEY, WHERE IS THAT FRIEND OF YOURS?" (I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.) 4. "CAN I GET A GLASS OF WHITE ZINFANDEL." (FEMALE) (I'm easy.) 5. "CAN I GET A GLASS OF WHITE ZINFANDEL." (MALE) (I'm gay.) 6. "EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?" (MALE TO FEMALE) (I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.) 7. "EVER T

Q: Why are cannibals such great improvs? A: They keep feeding off each other.

One night a couple was in their room and the woman had just performed amazing oral on her man. He asked her where she had learned how to do it like that. She than said to him, "It took some practice but your dad finally taught me how to do it right."

A man walks into Starbucks. Man: I want a cup of coffee. Blond Waitress: Sure that will be $1.00 The man pays for the coffee, the blond then goes and measures a cup of coffee and brings it to the man, she dumps it all onto his table. Man: I wanted a cup of coffee, not this!! Blond: You wanted a "cup" of coffee, if you wanted a cup you could of asked for one.

If you do not want to say you're a guy, do not read this joke. (I do not know if this is funny) Instructions: At the end of each sentence say "I'm a Guy" You meet this hot girl. (I'm a Guy) You ask her out. (I'm a Guy) You take her to the movies. (I'm a Guy) You buy her popcorn. (I'm a Guy) She asks you over. (I'm a Guy) When she closes the door she whispers in your ear. I'M A GUY!!!!!!!!!