TRUE STORY When I was 16, I went camping with my family. My girlfriend, who was also 16, went along with her family as well. We went to the same campground together because her parents knew mine and we're friends. I thought that this was perfect because now I could be with my girlfriend all summer. One night, my girlfriend's parents were chatting with mine, so we sneaked away and went to have some "fun" at the cottage we were renting. So we got to the cottage but the door was locked so we ended up sneaking through a window. We got really busy that night, having lots of "fun" with each other. During the climax, we heard a noise and we thought our my parents had come back. Then the next thi

Teacher: Whats usually used as the conductor of electricity? Orville: Why-er.... Teacher: Correct, wire. Now tell me, what is the unit of electrical power? Orville: The what? Teacher: That's absolutely right, the watt.

Yo Momma is so stupid, she has a peep hole in the glass door!

The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church. Evening massage - 6 p.m. The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning. The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door. Ushers will eat late

Yo Momma so hairy, she got afros around her nipples!

Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married." "Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good, too!"

What did one glass say to another glass? Lets have a break. What did one ghost say to another ghost? Do you believe in people? What did one chair say to another chair? Here comes another bum.

I was walking around in the movies with my friends and we saw this one teenager. His pants were falling down, so I said to my friends, "God, these kids nowadays! I thought a rapper died and the kid decided to put his pants half-staff!"

Here are some favorite sayings from people all over the world. Doctor: Oops. Secretary: I'm pregnant! Travel Agent: I know what you did last summer... Michael Jackson: I didn't do it! Bill Clinton: I didn't do it! Oh wait...Yes, I did. Computer Programmer: H0w d0 y0u w0rk th15 "Ch355" g4m3?? 1 N33D H3LP!!!111// Pilot: Are we there yet? Mad Scientist: I like Cows! Cell Phone Tester: Can you hear me now? Video Gamer: Can the line lag any further?

Once upon a time, a man happened upon a magical lamp. He rubbed it and a genie came out. "Are you going to give me three wishes?" the man asked. "No," said the genie. "I am a rare and mystical question genie. I am way more honorable than a simple wish genie! You may ask me three questions." The man thought for a while about what he wanted to ask. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity to unlock the secrets of the world. Finally, he said, "Okay, here's what I want to know: What is the cure for the common cold? How can perpetual motion be created? And where can a fuel source, that is clean and reusable and will replace all the others, be found?" The genie nodded and walked off. Puzzle

Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make love with you. Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens. Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first. Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover. Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased. At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo. Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it. Ask the widow to give you a kiss. Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn. Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin. Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the dece

How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer, Olive? Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names." What's the most popular wine at Christmas? "I don't like sprouts"!