*The Poopie List* GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet. CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper. WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains. SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more. POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke. LINCO

What does the turtle do in the Olympics? The hurdle run!

how many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2, but I don't know how they got in there!

Mrs. Ward goes to the doctor's office to collect her husband's test results. The lab tech says to her, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but there has been a big mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent your husband's samples to the lab, the samples from another Mr. Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible." "What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asked. "Well, one has tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband." "That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" questioned Mrs. Ward. "Normally, yes.But Medicare won't pay for these expensive tests more than once." "Well, what am I supposed to d

A biker walks into a yuppie bar and shouts, "All lawyers are assholes!" He looks around, obviously hoping for a challenge. Finally a guy comes up to him, taps him on the shoulder, and says, "Take that back." The biker says, "Why? Are you a lawyer?" "No, I'm an asshole."

A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars. and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued.... and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, th

A black female is having trouble with her menses. She goes to the gynecologist and he asks: "Mrs. Williams, what kind of flow do you have?" "Linoleum" she replies.

1. You don't like newbies. 2.You are #1 on this website. 3. You pretend to know everything. 4. You dislike AC3P1L07 5. You nail people for doing what you did. 6. You yell DUPE if someone you don't know posts anything. 7. Coincidently you only report it if it really is. 8. You received a message from AC3P1L07 saying to f*** off 9. AC3P1L07 hates you. 10. Your user name is ANCHMIKE SO PISS IN SOMEONE ELSES CERIAL, I AM NOT TO BE TRIFLED WITH.

A man was watching television when there was a knock on the door. He answered it, but only a snail was there. So he picked it up and threw it into the street. Two years later, the man heard another knock on the door. He opened the door and it was the snail again. The snail says, "What was that all about?"

A kid said "I have a dirty joke; a kid fell in the mud". Another kid said, "I know a dirty joke; two kids fell into a pile of mud". Then the other kid said, "Well, I bet I have the dirtest joke of all; 2 pigs fell into a pile of mud and 3 came out!"

Once there was a redneck groom about to get married. As he puts on the beaver pelt suit, he is talking to his dad. "Hey Uncle Jim, I'm kind of worried. My fiance told me she's still a virgin." "Why is that an issue?" the dad says. "Well, if she isn't good enough for her family, why would she be good enough for ours?"

A dumb list for dumb laws: Australia 1. Children may not purchase cigarettes, but can smoke them. 2. You may never leave your car keys in an unattended vehicle. 3. It is illegal to roam the streets wearing black clothes, felt shoes and black shoe polish on your face as these items are the tools of a cat burglar. England 1. Those wishing to use a television must apply for a license. 2. It is illegal to leave baggage unattended. 3. Picking up abandoned baggage is as act of terrorism. France 1. Between the hours of 8AM and 8PM, 70% of the music in the radio must be by French composers. Thailand 1. It is illegal to leave your house if you are not wearing underwear. 2. You must wear a shir