Popular Jokes
And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.
A new bride told her husband she was concerned that their honeymoon suite in the Watergate Hotel in Washington, D.C., might still be bugged from the Watergate scandal days.
The groom agreed to check it out.
He looked behind the drapes, he looked behind the pictures, he looked behind the mirrors, he looked under the rug and... "HEY!" he shouted.
Under the rug was a small plate with four screws! He unscrewed the screws with his knife and threw them and the plate out the window. "There, that takes care of any bugs," he reassured his new bride. And the couple quickly jumped in bed and did what newlyweds do.
The next morning, the hotel manager knocked on their door and asked the couple, "Was
Give a man a fish, he eats for a day.
Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime.
Give a man a fire, he's warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, he's warm for the rest of his life.
How many moves, at least, are required to checkmate in chess?
Four moves.
1.f4 e5
2.g4 Qh4#
A little boy walks into a ice cream parlor to buy ice cream.
Worker: Hello little boy, can I help you?
Little boy: Yes, I want some chocolate ice cream, please.
Worker: Sorry, we're out of choclate.
Little boy: Ok, I'll have some...........chocolate.
Worker: Once again, we're out of chocolate, pick another flavor.
Little boy: Hm................ I like chocolate!
Worker thinks to himself.
Worker: So boy, do you want some chocolate?
Little boy: But there is no freakin chocolate!
Worker: Exactly!
A lady goes to a menswear shop to buy clothes for her husband. When she finds the clothes she likes she goes up to the counter and says, "I would like to buy these please." The man at the counter says, "Certainly, but you must sign this form." The lady says "Why?" but the man ignores her. The form reads as follows:
Title: _____ Full Name: _______________________
She fills it in like this:
Title: Ms Full Name: Jenny Hollows
The man at the counter asks, "What does the 'Ms' mean? Does it mean you are divorced?" and the woman responds with, "It is non specific. It is none of your business if I am divorced or not!" The man says "Wow! Men should get one like that!"
It was a blond's birthday, and to celebrate, he took his girlfriend out on a date; he dressed very nicely, in a tuxedo, sharp tie, and some nice soft pants.
He went to his girlfriend, and said, "Do you have anything to say to me?"
His girlfriend also a blonde, says, "Yeah, what up with the tie?"
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