I was talking to my sister's boyfriend one day and I asked him if prettyful was a word. He said, "Well, I use it a lot. Whenever I've just eaten and someone asks me if I'm hungry, I say 'I'm pretty full."

A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too much and he could go no farther. He stuck his thumb out but after 3 hours, hadn't gotten a single person to stop. Finally a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn't fit in the car. The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he got to going too fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down. Everything went fine for the first 30 miles. Suddenly, another Corvette blew past

Knock knock. Who's there? Doughnut. Doughnut who? I doughnut want to know if you're sick!

Mystery All my life has been a mystery You and I were never ever meant to be Thats why I call my love for you... a mystery. Different country You and I have always lived in different countries And I know that airline tickets don't grow on a tree So what kept us apart is plain for me to see That part at least, is not really much of a mystery. Estuary I live on a houseboat on an estuary Which is handy for my work with the port authority But I'm sure you would have found it Insanit-ery Insanit-ery Headed me I am foolish to ignore the possibilty That if we actually met, you might have a taken a really violent dislike of me But thats not the only problem I can see Dead since 1993 You've been

One of the funniest things I've heard in a long time. I was watching T.V. and an advertisement for the show, "Monk" comes on. I don't watch the show, but I love the commercials He says to a Dr: "I'm not even stalking you. At least not at the moment." I laughed for at least ten minutes. Even snorted.

The bumper sticker of a proud parent read: MY SON WAS INMATE OF THE MONTH

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage(and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut, up in his, near airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating 'this deadly gas'." Three of the res

Knock-Knock Who's There Hatch Hatch Who? God Bless You.

Veni, Vedi, Visa: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping. Gravity...it's not just a good Idea, it's the Law. First things first, but not necessarily in that order. My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips. Measure wealth not by the things you have, but by the things you have for which you would not take money. Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either. AAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse. Am I ignorant or apathetic? I don't know and don't care! Can you repeat the part after, "Listen very carefully"? Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. 'Hon,' I suggested, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" The voice from the back asked, "Did it save time?" The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven."

At the zoo a little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Her mom hurriedly explains, "Oh...they're just baking cakes." The next morning the little girl says, "Mommy, Mommy, you and Daddy baked cakes last night!" "Um, what makes you think that?" the mother asks nervously. "Because this morning there was icing all over the couch."