Popular Jokes
The thing you need to focus on in your 20's is not getting a bad tattoo. You don't want to be 40 and going, "No, dude, it was different back then - everybody loved SpongeBob."
Q: What did Tarzan say to Jane when he saw the elephants coming?
A: Here come the elephants.
I saw a girl the other day. I didn't like her because she was a butter face. You know 'butter face' - she has a hot body, but her face . . .
I've often started off with a lawyer joke, a complete caricature of a lawyer who's been nasty, greedy and unethical. But I've stopped that practice. I gradually realised that the lawyers in the audience didn't think the jokes were funny and the non-lawyers didn't know they were jokes.
A blond was seen walking in a local mall wearing nothing but shoes, a shirt and nothing else.'
When security stopped her and asked her what she thought she was doing, She replied, "I saw a sign that said take half off and save money."
A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!"
So she goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the $99 cruise special, please."
The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating.
A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river.
Somehow drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by
Going to bed the other night, I noticed people in my shed, stealing things. I phoned the police but was told nobody was in the area to help. They said they would send someone over as soon as possible. I hung up.
A minute later, I phoned again. "Hello" I said, "I called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. You don't have to worry now because I shot them."
Within minutes, there were half a dozen police cars in the area, plus helicopters and an armed response unit. They caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the officers said, "I thought you said you shot them." To which I replied, "I thought you said there was no one available."
A blond, brunette, and redhead are talking. The blond asks the brunette, "Where did you get those hair streaks?" She answers, "Its natural." The brunette asks the redhead the same question. "Its natural." she answers. The redhead and brunette ask the blond, "How did you get that green streak in your hair?" She answers, "Phhnnnggg," (As she blows her nose on her hand and puts it through her hair) "Its natural.''
Home
