Popular Jokes
A man was watching television when there was a knock on the door. He answered it, but only a snail was there. So he picked it up and threw it into the street.
Two years later, the man heard another knock on the door. He opened the door and it was the snail again. The snail says, "What was that all about?"
A kid said "I have a dirty joke; a kid fell in the mud".
Another kid said, "I know a dirty joke; two kids fell into a pile of mud".
Then the other kid said, "Well, I bet I have the dirtest joke of all; 2 pigs fell into a pile of mud and 3 came out!"
While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a cow and began a conversation.
Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
Indian: "Dog no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' alright."
The Indian looked shocked.
Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" pointing at the Indian.
Dog: "Yep"
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
The Indian looks even more shocked.
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Indian: "Horse no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
The Indian looks extremely
Many employers motivate workers with bonuses. Some offer gym memberships, a few even supply day care for their working mothers and fathers. Our bosses go a step further. A sign posted in our break room read:
New Incentive Plan . . . Work or get fired!
A guy's car breaks down in the middle of town, and he looks for a hotel to stay in while he waits for his car to be fixed. He finds a very small hotel and walks in.
He asks the man at the counter, "Do you have any rooms available?"
The man at the counter says, "Yeah, but don't stick your dick in the 3 holes."
"OK." The guy agrees and walks to his room.
A couple of days go by and his car is still in the shop. He gets curious and sticks his dick in the first hole.
He says, "Ahh,that feels good!" Then he sticks his dick in the second hole, "Ahh,that feels even better!" Then he sticks his dick in the third hole, "OUCH!!My dick!!"
He quickly pulled his dick out and it was all bloody. He w
So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, you know you're from California if:
1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
2. You make over $400,000 and still can't afford a house.
3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.
5. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
8. You can't remember .
What's the difference between the teacher and the one who minds trains?
The teacher trains minds, the other minds trains.
It was election time and a politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited. "I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!"
The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya! Hoya!"
The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm. "I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation!" "Hoya! Hoya!" cried the crowd, stomping their feet.
"I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!" The crowd reached a fren
My American History teacher was giving a lecture about the first three presidents. A lot of people in my class can't remember presidents very well.
"You all are brainwashed," he said.
Of course, there was confusion in the room at this comment.
"Let me demonstrate," he continued, "'I'm Cuckoo for...'"
"Cocoa Puffs!" the class replied.
"You don't know the ninth president of the United States, but you know that you are 'Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.'"
Then, this one guy in my class said, "If the presidents were finger-lickin' good, we'd remember 'em."
I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue,
Miss steaks aye can knot see.
Eye ran this poem threw it.
Your sure real glad two no.
Its very polished in its weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
A checker is a blessing.
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.
Each frays comes posed up on my screen,
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o'er every word,
To cheque sum spelling rule.
Bee fore a veiling checkers,
Hour spelling mite decline,
And if we're laks oar have a laps,
We wood bee maid too wine.
Butt now bee cause my spelling,
Is checked with such grate flare,
There are know faults with in
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