A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!" So she goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the $99 cruise special, please." The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating. A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river. Somehow drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by

I don't know much about prison, but it sounds like a pain in the ass.

What did the dog say to the driver who was driving behind him? Get off my tail!

An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. "Where did you get such a great bike?", asked the first. The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said 'Take what you want.'" The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

A couple had been married 15 years. One afternoon they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds the husband said, "Hey honey, you are getting fat. Your butt is getting huge. I bet it's as big as the gas grill now." The husband feeling he needed to prove his point, got a yardstick, measured the grill and then measured his wife's butt. "Yep," he said, "Just what I thought, just about the same size." The wife got very incensed and decided to let him do the gardening alone. She went inside and didn't speak to her husband the rest of the day. That evening when they went to bed, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, "How about it, hon? How ab

Yo momma is so fat when I put her on the family tree the branch broke.

There was a German, an Italian and a Newfie on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die..... 1. To be shot 2. To be hung 3. To be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death The German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly. The Italian said "Just hang me." With a snap of the rope he was dead. Then the Newfie said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot and the Newfie fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy. The Newfie said "Give me another one of those shots." The guards injected him again and now the Newfie was laughing so hard that tears rolled down his cheek

GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie Kissed the girls and made them cry. When the boys came out to play He kissed them as well, he's funny that way.

A Pakistani guy named Abdul was ringing in flour at his grocery store, and the bag broke, covering him with flour. Abdul rushes home to take a shower. He enters his house and his wife says to him, "Abdul, you're white, what happened to you?" Abdul says "I was ringing in flour, the bag broke, I go take shower." He runs upstairs and he runs into his son. His son says "Daddy, you're a white man, what happened?" Abdul said "I was ringing in flour, the bag broke, I go take shower." He proceeds towards the bathroom when he is stopped by his daughter. His daughter said "Daddy, you're all white, what happened?" He screams "I've only been white for half an hour, and already I hate you damn pakies!"

1. Say "Darn, officer you must have been going fast to catch up with me." 2. When he approaches you, look at his gut and say, "Hmmm, I thought officers were supposed to be physically fit." 3. Sway and ask if his bulletproof vest protects him from projectile vomiting. 4. Lie on the ground and ask him to draw your outline in chalk. 5. Throw his nightstick and tell the police dog to go fetch it. 6. Ask if you can use his pepper spray to spice up your pizza. 7. Tell him you wanted to be a cop, but I decided to graduate high school. 8. When he asks you to walk the line "Riverdance" instead. 9. Instead of pleading with the 5th amendment, plead with the 13th or 16th. 10. When he asks for

Your mama's so ugly, she stuck her face out the window and cops pulled her over for mooning.

Q. The Bay of Bengal is in which state? A. Liquid Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? A. It will get Wet or Sink as simple as that. Q. What looks like half of an apple ? A. The other half. Q. What happened when the wheel was invented? A. It caused a revolution.