Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls 50 feet to the ground below and he is killed instantly. After the coroner leaves with Steve's body, Bob volunteers to inform Steve's wife of the terrible news. Some two hours later, Bob returns to the work site with a six-pack of beer under his arms. "Say, Bob, where did you get the six-pack?" "Steve's wife gave it to me!" "What! You just told her that Steve died and she gave you a six-pack?" "Well, before I broke the news to her, I asked her if she was Steve's widow. She said she wasn't, so I said I'd bet her a six-pack she was!"

Santa:Oye, you know once, when I was very young, I jumped from the 20th floor of a building. Banta: Then what happened? Did you survived or die? Santa replied: "Oye, I forgot, that was years ago".

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine." His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine." Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."

Q: What is the President Bush's new fitness program to get people walking again? A: GAS at $3/gallon Q: When visiting India what did George W think upon seeing a woman with a red dot on her forehead? A: Holy Shit!!!! She must've been hunting with Cheney Q: Whats the best birthday gift you can give to George W? A: An Exit Strategy from Iraq Q: Why is George Bush giving tax cuts like Jim Jones giving Kool-Aid? A: It tastes good but it'll kill you. Q: What would happen if George W Bush had selected the court in 1954? A: Clarence Thomas would have never got to law school." Q: Why did the Iraqi women shave there fannies? A: To send a message out "No more Bush" Q: George W. Bush is now

Hey this is not a joke. Just submit a full smiley just for the heck of it. Wouldn't it be weird if the top joke wasn't even a joke? So please, just give it a full smiley. If you think this is just stupid, then, please give this crap a zero smiley.

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he'd like to eat. "I'll have some fuckin' French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin' French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don't know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don't want the fuckin' French toast."

Schwarznegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn't have one, The POPE has one but doesn't use it, Clinton uses his all the time, Mickey Mouse has an unusual one, George Burns' was hot, Liberace NEVER used his on women, Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his, We never saw Lucy use Desi's. What is it? A last name....... Were you thinking of something else?

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9 a.m. on the dot; he had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 a.m. passed without Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor. Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway - nearly killed myself." The boss said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole

It was Christmas, and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "Surely that's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened."

An engaged couple met with their pastor to set the date for their wedding. During the meeting, the pastor asked them whether they preferred to have a contemporary or a traditional service. They chose a contemporary service. On the day of the big event there was a major storm, which caused the groom to take a different route to the church. Since the streets were flooded, he rolled up his trouser legs to keep his trousers dry. When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting. "Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor. "Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom replied. "I think I would prefer the t

Virgin Mary wanted to visit Hell, so she went to God and asked if she might do so. "Yes," God said. "I have only one warning for you. You must stay away from booze, drugs and men. Will you promise me so?" "Yes," Virgin Mary said. "And remember to call me every night," God said, before Virgin Mary left. So, in the first night, the telephone rang in Heaven. "Heaven," God answered. "Hello, it´s Virgin Mary here ... I'm sorry to tell you, but I am a bit drunk ... I couldn't resist the temptation. Will you forgive me?" asked Virgin Mary. "Yes I will. Now stay clear of drugs and men, will you? And call me tomorrow," said God. The following night, the phone rang in Heaven. "Heaven," God answered.

No Smoking Prohibited Slow Children Warning: corners of sign are sharp A Street Downtown 1 Quarter Mile No Parking 2am-5am (right underneath that sign) 2 Hour parking 9am-6pm (right underneath that sign) 15 minute parking 8am-5pm Caution- water on road during rain Airplane Crossing Bear Bottom Drive Emergency telephone 174 km ahead Road hump ahead Tank Xing