Yo Momma has afros on her nipples

Rabbi Zwi Chaim Yisroel, an Orthodox scholar of the Torah and a man who developed whining to an art unheard of in the West, was unanimously hailed as the wisest man of the Renaissance by his fellow Hebrews, who totaled a sixteenth of one per cent of the population. Once, while he was on his way to synagogue to celebrate the sacred Jewish holiday commemorating God's reneging on every promise, a woman stopped him and asked the following question: 'Rabbi, why are we not allowed to eat pork?' 'We're not?' the Rev said incredulously. 'Uh-oh.'

An elderly man refuses to leave for the air raid shelter until he can find his dentures. His wife yells at him, "What, you think they are dropping sandwiches?"

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

Why didn't the duck cross the road? To prove he's no chicken.

why did hitler kill himself? because he saw his gas bill

Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer." The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming." "Yes I do!" "Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?" "Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down." "Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?" "Well, then I'll takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down." "Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. 2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?" 3. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name. 4. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. 5. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddl

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts." "He communicates real well and I just act like I'm listening."

"Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?" Little Johnny's father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right." "That's okay," replied Little Johnny "You could at least give it a try, couldn't you?"

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.