One day I gonna to Malta to a big hotel, in the morning I go down to eat a breakfast. I tell the waitress that I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her "I wanna two pieces". She say "Go to the toilet". I say "you don't understand, I wanna two pieces on my plate". She say to me, "you better not piss on the plate, you sonnawabitch". I do not even know this lady and she call me a sonnawabitch!! Later I go to eat at a bigger restaurant. The waiter brings me a Spoon and a knief but no fock. I tell her "I wanna a fock" and she tella me : "everyone wanna fuck". I tella her " you don't understand me...I wanna fock on the table". She say : "you better not fuck on the tab

A family was traveling across country, and were on their first stop for gas. Getting out to stretch their legs, they walked into the gas station and began to look at the various items that were placed around them. The son goes over to a rack of books, and picks up one and laughs. "'Cooking With Mormons.' We should definitely get this one," he sarcastically stated. The father grabbed it from his hands and stared at it for a minute, then said, "Maybe it'll tell us how to cook them right." The son looked confused and said blankly "Who?" "The Mormons, of course," was his reply.

Teacher: What is 5 plus 4? Blonde: 9 Teacher: What is 4 plus 5? Blonde: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure. The answer is 6!!!

Cinfuscious says : It is nice to meet a woman in the park but is better to park meat in a woman.

Yo momma so fat that, on the airplane, she smothered the person next to her to death - who was on the aisle seat.

The thing you need to focus on in your 20's is not getting a bad tattoo. You don't want to be 40 and going, "No, dude, it was different back then - everybody loved SpongeBob."

These are quotes from the show SOUTH PARK. If you're a fan, you'll love this! They are the quotes of CARTMAN("the fat ass") Cartman: You so much as TOUCH kitty's ass, and I'll put a firecracker in your nutsack and blow your balls all over your pants. Stan: Jesus, Cartman. Cartman: Well, I'm just sayn', man, seriously, don't mess with kitty, man. Chief Running Water: Your mother is what we Indians call, 'Bear With Wide Canyon.' Cartman: What do you mean? CRW: She is 'Doe Who Cannot Keep Legs Together.' Cartman: Huh? CRW: Your mom's a slut. Kyle: Wow! That's a lot of seamen, Cartman. Cartman: Yeah, I bought all that I could at this bank, and then I got the rest from this guy Ralph in an

As of 11-23-09, my score was 1337. How the hell that happened beats me. I thought I was a crappy joke writer. This is boring isn't it? Thought so. At least it's not a dupe. Or is it... Nope, it's not. Boring as hell, right? Thought so.

Your mum's so fat, she jumped for joy and got stuck.

Part 1 One day, Doraemon was walking down street. He saw Hello Kitty approaching him. Excited by the encounter, he walked towards Hello Kitty and said, "Good morning". Sadly, Hello Kitty did not reply him. Why? Answer: Hello Kitty has no mouth. ------------------------------------ Part 2 Unhappy that she broke Doraemon's feelings, Hello Kitty decided to bring along a video recorder with the words "Good Morning" recorded by someone else. She saw Doraemon crossing the street, so she approached him and pressed the button: "Good morning". This time, Doraemon did not reply her. Why? Answer: Doraemon has no ears.

Guide - I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. This is the world's biggest waterfall and the sound intensity of the waterfalls is so high that even 20 supersonic jet planes passing by cannot be heard. Now, I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear the Niagara Falls!

It's my wife's birthday today so I went out earlier in the week and deliberately got her a present that I knew she'd hate. True to form she opened it, took one look and said, "What the fuck would I want with an xbox? I'm going to take this back to the shop and ask for a refund." I can't wait to see her little face when she gets arrested for looting.