Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslims are so quick to commit suicide. Let's see now: No Jesus, No Wal-Mart, No Television, No Cheerleaders, No baseball, No Football, No Basketball, No Hockey, No Golf, No Tailgate Parties, No Home Depot. No Pork BBQ, No Hot Dogs, No Burgers, No Lobster, No Shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks, No Gumbo, No Jambalaya. More than one wife. Rags for clothes and towels for hats. Constant wailing from the guy next door because he's sick and there are no doctors. Constant wailing from the guy up in the tower. No chocolate cookies. No Christmas. You can't shave. Your wives can't shave. You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey being cooked over

Of course you know they have changed the look of twenty dollar bills recently. What happens to the old ones? Bill Gates gets them!

Upon realizing that we both had the same middle name, I told the blond, "Hey we have the same middle name!" She replied, "Really? What's yours?"

One Side of a Phone Call between James Bond and a Former Sexual Partner Hallo? Is this Giganta? Giganta Loins? Oh, grand! It''s Bond. James Bond? O07? Shaken not stirred? Tuxedo? The trunk-sized jet pack? We had a run in with an Austrian terrorist with the overdeveloped reptilian brain and a predilection for man-eating octopi launching bazookas? Well, contacting you took quite a bit of doing actually. You see, first I tried Giganta Loins. I must have looked in every phone directory that MI-6 could hack into. Then I figured out that Giganta might be a code name. I mean, who has the name Giganta Loins? Rather silly, when you think about it. Yes, yes I suppose you do like it. Anyway, I re

Old photographers never die, they just go out of focus!

Why didn't the blonde go on the amusement park ride? Because he was too tall.

Don't think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a really pretty monkey.

One day, a depressed crocodile decides to see his doctor about his problems. He says, "Doc, I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I don't feel like killing people anymore. I don't like attacking them, I don't like wrestling them in the water, and I definitely don't like eating them." The doctor goes over to his medicine cabinet, and pulls out several tiny blue pills. In amazement, the crocodile asks his doctor, "Doc, are those what I think they are?" The doctor replies, "Yes, I'm prescribing you some Viagra." Frustrated, the crocodile tells his doctor, "I'm not sure you understand -- have you been listening to a word I've said?" The doctor replies, "Of course I've been listening, you said you h

A teacher of a fifth grade class gave her students an assignment. The assignment was to ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and each had a turn to tell their stories. "Peter, do you have a story to share?" she asks one child. "Yes, ma'm; my daddy told a story about my Aunt Carol. Aunt Carol was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a swiss army knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them wi

I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind. I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you. Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the hell was I thinking? As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me. As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy...

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it, but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him. He dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin, as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast, but the bear was just a little faster, and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin. The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another one!"

Once there was a guy who liked cheese.