When Mother Teresa died and went to heaven, God greeted her at the Pearly Gates. "Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" asked God. "I could eat," Mother Teresa replied. So God opened a can of tuna and reached for a chunk of rye bread and they began to share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looked down into Hell and saw the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, and pastries. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remained quiet. The next day God again invited her to join him for a meal. Again, it was tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa could see the denizens of Hell enjoying lamb, turkey, venison, and delicious desserts. Still she said nothing. The follo

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language. Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock. Baby conceived naturally; Scientists stumped. Authentic year 2000 "Chad" sells at Sotheby's for $1.6 million. Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2044. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only. 35 year st

Where does a judge eat lunch? At the food court!

In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray their children will speak English. In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success. Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home. In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived. Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure film is in the video camera. In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons. Today, kids wouldn't touch Dad's clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle. In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business. Today, fathers pray their

Haven't I seen you on TV? Well yes I do appear off and on, how do you like me? Off.

Here's a lighted dynamite stick, please hold it until I get back.

"Ahhhh..." "Mike! What's wrong?" "I-I had a nightmare." "What was the nightmare?" "I-I-" "Yes?" "I-I-" "Spit it out!" "I-I went to heaven."

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Q. How do you keep an idiot busy? A. Tell him that the ground is going to fall on him if he doesn't get off it.

"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day." -Poor Bear

MEXICAN VIRUS BUENOS DIAS!! JOU HAVE YUST RECEIVED A MEHICAN BIRUS!!! SINCE WE NOT SO TECHNOLOGICALLY ADBANCED IN MEHICO, DIS IS A MANUAL BIRUS. PLEASE DELETE ALL THE FILES ON JOUR HARD DRIVE JOURSELF AND SEND THIS E-MAIL TO EBERYONE JOU KNOW. TAN JOU POR YELPING ME. JULIO MANUEL JOSE FEDENZIO RODRIGUEZ GARCIA , MEXICAN HACKER

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslims are so quick to commit suicide. Let's see now: No Jesus, No Wal-Mart, No Television, No Cheerleaders, No baseball, No Football, No Basketball, No Hockey, No Golf, No Tailgate Parties, No Home Depot. No Pork BBQ, No Hot Dogs, No Burgers, No Lobster, No Shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks, No Gumbo, No Jambalaya. More than one wife. Rags for clothes and towels for hats. Constant wailing from the guy next door because he's sick and there are no doctors. Constant wailing from the guy up in the tower. No chocolate cookies. No Christmas. You can't shave. Your wives can't shave. You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey being cooked over