Yo momma is so poor, I asked her what was for dinner and she put her foot on the table and said "CORN!"

Women are like beer. They look good, smell good, taste good, and feel good. But after a while you gotta have another beer!

I was soooo ugly when I was born that my mum got morning sickness after I was born. The doctor came in to the waiting room after I was born and told my dad, "We did everything we could, but he pulled through." I've never been able to understand why my bath toys were a radio and a toaster. And when I play in the sandpit, the cat always covers me up.

Courtney: Let's see who can stay up the longest tonight. Kaitlyn: I know! We'll pinch each other every ten minutes to make sure we don't fall asleep! Starting right NOW! Courtney: Hey, I'm not even tired! Kaitlyn: See, my plan is working!

Two men are driving through New York when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver asks, "What the hell was that for?" The cop answers, "You're in New York son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car." The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here." The cop runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back, walks around to the passenger side, and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him on

Note: This is an exact replication of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald, who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base? GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! that's a bit irresponsible, isn't it? GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?" GENERAL REIN

Nicholaas (toe 4) het by sy ouma gaan kuier, en ouma het dit goed gedink om hom bietjie groentes te leer eet wat sy ma nie graag gaar maak nie. Die spesifieke dag is broccoli aan die beurt, en ouma versin die oulikste stories oor die boompies wat hy gaan proe. Hy begin ewe entosiasties aan die eerste een eet, maar ouma sien hy kou al stadiger en kry so veraf trek in sy ogies. "Ouma," roep hy toe sy ouma wat intussen in die spens verdwyn het, "kom kyk hier!" Die mannetjie beduie toe na sy bord waar hy die laaste "boompie" staan gemaak het, mooi vasgedruk in die middel van die rys. "Kyk net, hierdie is die Paradys, en daardie boom is die boom waarvan God gesê het ons mag nie eet nie!"

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I tell him, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, I tell him, "Probably because of something you did."

Fish + alien transpotation = Unidentified Frying Object

Q. How do you keep an idiot busy? A. Tell him that the ground is going to fall on him if he doesn't get off it.

"No one dies a virgin, life screws us all!"

MEXICAN VIRUS BUENOS DIAS!! JOU HAVE YUST RECEIVED A MEHICAN BIRUS!!! SINCE WE NOT SO TECHNOLOGICALLY ADBANCED IN MEHICO, DIS IS A MANUAL BIRUS. PLEASE DELETE ALL THE FILES ON JOUR HARD DRIVE JOURSELF AND SEND THIS E-MAIL TO EBERYONE JOU KNOW. TAN JOU POR YELPING ME. JULIO MANUEL JOSE FEDENZIO RODRIGUEZ GARCIA , MEXICAN HACKER