New York, NY Police across the nation are warning people who wear pagers to be on the lookout for the latest scam. According to police, pagers in several states have been beeped by a number displaying a 212 area code (New York) and the prefix 540. When the victims return the call, they are charged $55 on their phone bill. The call the respondent makes has been electronically linked into a 900 "pay-per-call" system which allows the charge to be added to the phone bill. "People will look at the number and say 'Gee, who is calling me from out of state? It must be important,'" said an investigator.

Yo Mama is so poor she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.

An old guy was wandering around a supermarket calling out - "Crisco? Crisco? C-R-I-S-C-O!" Finally, a clerk approached him and said, "Sir, the Crisco in on aisle seven." "Oh," the old guy said, "I'm not looking for Crisco. I'm calling my wife." "Your wife's name is Crisco?" the puzzled clerk asked. "Hell, no," the old guy said. "I only call her that when we come to the supermarket." "Oh? Well, what do you call her when you're not in the supermarket?" asked the clerk. "Lard Ass!" replied the old guy.

Lemon Grove A woman was applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove. When the foreman looked over her application, he felt she was far too qualified for the job. "Look, Miss Carter," said the foreman, "do you have any actual experience in picking lemons?" "Oh, yes, I certainly do," she replied. "I've been divorced four times."

You might be a redneck if... You have ever had to get up quickly in the morning in order to let the goat out before she dropped raisins on the kitchen floor.

Sign outside a watch-maker's shop; Watch batteries fitted.

My pal is addicted to brake fluid - but he says he can stop any time he wants.

A blonde couple were going on a vacation to the countryside visiting their relatives. As they soon reach their relatives' home and go in, a blackout started. On and on the couple tried to find a source of light. Finally one of the blonde asks, "Hey, Mary, can you find anything?" Mary replies, "Nope, all I could find was this pair of flashlights."

Got some more Redneck lines . . . You know you're a Redneck when: More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general. The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business. You think the stock market has a fence around it. Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight. You have a Ku Klux Klan uniform somewhere in your trailer. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. Your amount of children is more than the amount of Oompa Loompas in Willy Wonka's factory. Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs. Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool. You ke

There was a coconut tree and 4 animals. 1. A Elephant 2. A Monkey 3. A Tiger 4. A Mouse Which one of these animals is going to climb up the tree to get the banana? NONE! "There was a COCONUT TREE" "...the tree to get the BANANA"

Why can't you go to the bathroom at a Beatles concert? There's no John.

What do you call a black priest? Holy Crap!