Popular Jokes
While driving to work, I found myself behind an old Ford Falcon, with five teenage boys inside. The best part was the bumper sticker in the center of the rear window. It read:
DON'T LAUGH, YOUR DAUGHTER COULD BE IN HERE!
There was once a blonde who was extremely sad with life because people always made fun of her. She decided to do something about it. She sat back and thought about it.
Suddenly she thought - "I have never seen anyone making fun of brunettes. So, if I start talking and behaving like them and dye my hair brown, no one will be able to make out that I am a blonde and make fun of me."
She went into isolation for three months and after a lot of practice, she walked confidently into a shop and said, "I am a very hungry. Give me some pepperoni and zucchini."
Immediately, the man behind the counter said "Are you a blonde?" The blonde was taken aback and she repeated her request. The man behind the
Have you seen the lottery tickets from India?
If the spot on your ticket matches the spot on your forehead, you win a 7-11 store.
A tour guide was showing a tourist around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar across the Potomac River.
"That's impossible," said the tourist. "No one could throw a coin that far!"
"You have to remember," answered the guide. "A dollar went a lot farther in those days."
Last summer, my husband, Bill, took me camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor-survival lore.
One day we got lost hiking in the deep woods. Bill tried the usual tactics to determine direction - moss on the trees (there was no moss), direction of the sun (it was an overcast day). Just as I was beginning to panic, he spotted a small cabin off in the distance. Bill pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, turned and led us right back to our camp.
"That was terrific," I said. "How did you do it?"
"Simple," he replied. "In this part of the country all TV satellite dishes point south."
One day, a depressed crocodile decides to see his doctor about his problems. He says, "Doc, I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I don't feel like killing people anymore. I don't like attacking them, I don't like wrestling them in the water, and I definitely don't like eating them." The doctor goes over to his medicine cabinet, and pulls out several tiny blue pills. In amazement, the crocodile asks his doctor, "Doc, are those what I think they are?" The doctor replies, "Yes, I'm prescribing you some Viagra." Frustrated, the crocodile tells his doctor, "I'm not sure you understand -- have you been listening to a word I've said?" The doctor replies, "Of course I've been listening, you said you h
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.
The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, "This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat the
A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen were waiting.
"Entschuldigung, sprechen Sie Deutsches?" he asks.
The Englishmen just stare at him.
"M'excusez-vous, parlez-vous français ?"
They continue to stare.
"Lo scusate, parlate italiano?"
No response.
"¿Me excusa, usted habla español?"
Still nothing. The Swiss man drives off in disgust.
One Englishman says to the other, "Y'know, maybe we ought to learn a foreign language."
"Why?" says the other. "That feller knew 4 languages, and it didn't do him any good!"
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