Popular Jokes
Tommy was dying. His wife was with him, standing next to his bed. As he was drawing his last few breaths, he gasped, "Helen, I have one last request." "Of course, Tommy, what is it?" Helen asked softly.
"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Louis." "But I thought you hated Louis," said Helen.
With his final breath, Tommy said, "I do."
Route 66 says to the country road: Hey, man, you straight?
Country road says: Heck no, I'm a byway!
One day a man was sitting on a toilet with his solar power laptop, then his laptop fell in the toilet. He ran out of the bathroom screaming. The next person sat down to use the toilet. When he was done, he stood up looked at the toilet and screamed out of the bathroom. All the people in the bathroom ran out of the bathroom screaming.
A woman's child said, "Yo Mama, I hate you because you made me a boy, not a girl!"
The woman said, "Wait! If you were a girl, someone would have to cut into you to get your baby!"
The child said "Have you lost your mind?! I want the baby to know that she/he was from me!"
This is an addition to one of my previous jokes, "Viola Jokes" http://wocka.com/17112.html. Now, instead of just viola jokes, here are several different instrument jokes.
PIANO JOKES
Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A: A flat minor.
Q: What do you get when you drop a piano onto an army base?
A: A flat major.
Q: Why is an 11-foot concert grand piano better than a studio upright piano?
A: Because it makes a much bigger "kaboom" when dropped off a cliff.
FLUTE/PICCOLO JOKES
Q: How do you get two piccolo players to play in tune?
A: Shoot one.
Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?"
The
An Englishman, a Scotsman and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The rabbi stops and says "I think I'm in the wrong joke."
If you'd like to know how to keep an idiot busy for hours, go to this page:
http://www.wocka.com/joke.php?id=17559
At an Orthodox wedding, the bride's mother is pregnant. At a Conservative wedding, the bride is pregnant. At a Reform wedding, the rabbi is pregnant. At a Reconstructionist wedding, the rabbi and her wife are both pregnant.
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal . . . When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well . . .?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 2
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