Popular Jokes
Have you noticed since most people have a camcorder these days there are not as many people talking about seeing UFOs as there use to be?
I took lessons in bicycle riding, but I could only afford half of them.
Now I can ride a unicycle.
My mate's a maniakleptic â he walks into shops backwards and leaves things.
Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?
"It is better to have loved a short man, than never to have loved a tall."
If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
We painted our floor with luminous paint. So now the florescent what it used to be.
A 100 year old man sits on the edge of his bed on the day of his 100th birthday.
He looks down at his feet and says "well feet, you're 100 years old today!"
He then looks at his hands and says, "well hands, you are 100 years old today."
He goes into the bathroom, looks in the mirror, and says, "well face, you are 100 years old today."
He then goes over to the toilet to relieve himself, and looks down at his penis and says, "Well old buddy, if you would have made it, you would have been 100 years old today!"
1. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
2. Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
3. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
A couple was arranging for their wedding, and asked the bakery to inscribe the wedding cake with "1 John 4:18" which reads, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear."
The bakery evidently lost, smudged or otherwise misread the noted reference, and beautifully inscribed on the cake, "John 4:18"
"For you have had five husbands, and the man you have now is not your husband."
Did you hear about the blonde who went shopping for lip-gloss just so she could pass the make-up exam?
Baby Brother
Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"
His mother says, "Heaven, Johnny."
Johnny says, "Geez, I can see why they threw him out."
a = b, b = c, a = c.
Math Teacher: If a = b and b = c then a = c. Now give me the practical example of this principle from real life.
Student: I love you, sir, and you love your daughter, which means I love your daughter.
10.) "We have a lost child at gate D-4, the bidding will start at twenty dollars."
9.) "I'm sorry madam, but we cannot allow you to bring your cat on board. We don't yet know the effects of high radiation on our feline friends. And we are required to check your bags."
8.) "Yes sir, we are aware of the biohazard tag on your luggage and no, you don't want to know its origin. I recommend you refrain from opening your suitcase."
7.) "Yes sir, importing Cuban cigars is illegal, that is why the security officer had to confiscate them. What? He's smoking them? HEY! YOU RAT! SAVE SOME FOR ME!"
6.) "I'm sorry madam, but our insurance policy does not cover punctures in your bags caused by our checking
Q: What's red and goes up and down?
A: A tomato in an elevator.
Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue?
A: We have to stick together.
Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster?
A: Hello, hello.
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer.
Q: When is a baseball player like a thief?
A: When he steals a base.
Q: What did the can say to the can opener?
A: You make me flip my lid.
Q: What is a volcano?
A: A mountain with the hiccups.
Q: What do you find at the end of everything?
A: The letter "g".
Q: What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe?
A: He called a toe truck.
Q: Why do two skunks argue?
A: Because they like to kick up a stink.
Q: What
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