Some members of a health club were having their first meeting. The director of the group said, "Now, I'd like each of you to give the facts of your daily routine." Several people spoke, admitting their excesses, and then one obviously overweight member said, "I eat moderately, I drink moderately, and I exercise frequently." "Hmm?" said the manager. "And are you sure there is nothing you over-indulge in?" "Well," said the man, "I lie extensively."

After everything I say I want you to say "I am a Man." You go to a bar. I am a man You see a girl and go meet her I am a man You take her home I am a man You get in bed with her I am a man She whispers in you ear I am a man (This is very funny when saying it out loud with a friend. Instruct them to say "I am a man." after each line you say.)

Yo momma is so ugly, that when she was born the doctor smacked her butt and his hand melted!

The average human produces about 10,000 gallons of saliva in a lifetime. Until the nineteenth century, solid blocks of tea were used as money in Siberia. Americans spend more than $630 million a year on golf balls. You must play ping-pong for 12 hours to lose a pound. The life span of a taste bud is ten days.

One day, Little Johnny's teacher asked the class "Children, who can answer this question, please raise your hand!" "Mention things you can suck!" "Ice cream, mam!" Little Jane answered. "Good, Jane." the teacher said, "Anyone else?" "It's a lollipop!" said Little Steven. "Very good, now it's your turn Johnny!" the teacher said. Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, "I think it's lamp!" The teacher and all of the students wondered about Little Johnny's answer. The teacher asked him, "Johnny, how do you think we can suck lamp?" "Well, last night when I passed my parents' bedroom", Little Johnny said, "I heard my mom said, please turn off the lamp, honey, and let me suck it!"

What is the difference between you and a ho? The ho is smarter.

"Man" jokez..n a boy joke.. A man was wandering in the woods, pondering all the things of life, and his own personal problems. He couldn't find the answers so he sought help from God. "God, God, you there God?" he asked. "Yes, what is it my son?" God answered. "I have a few questions; mind if I ask?" the man said. "Go ahead, my son, anything." "God, what is a million years to you?" God answered, "A million years to me is only a second" The the man asked again, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?" God replied, "A million dollars to me is worth only a penny." The man lifted his eyebrows and asked his final question. "God, can I have a penny?" God answered, "Sure, in a second." A yo

TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of 'COINCIDENCE?'" STUDENT: "Sir, my mother and my father got married on the same day, same time."

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong; she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?" "Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me, too?" "Yes, He did," the older man answered. For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job lately."

A good marriage would be between a blind woman, and a deaf man.

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Henny Youngman