Popular Jokes
Known fact amongst all men: Having sex can help combat asthma and hay fever, now we need to inform all women!
You can hear mimes.
You begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into a nasty row over it, lose, and refuse to speak to yourself for the rest of the night.
The Sun is too loud.
Teddy bears begin to bully you for milk and cookies.
You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.
You can skip without a rope.
Trees start chasing you.
Know Someone Who's Stressed Out... Or You Just Want To Make Laugh? Pass This Forward Along Today!
Mr. Turtle was walking down the road when he spotted a crow at the tip top of a very tall tree. He shouted, "Good Morning, Mr. Crow."
Mr. Crow shouted back down, "Good Morning Mr. Turtle." Mr. Turtle shouted up, "Whatcha doin' today?" and the answer shouted back down was, "Absolutely nothin' Mr. Turtle - Absolutely nothin' and loving it."
Well, that sounded pretty good to Mr. Turtle, so he shouted back up, "Do you think I could do that too?" Mr. Crow shouted back down, "I don't see why not!" So, Mr. Turtle lay down on the side of the road and began Doing Absolutely Nothing.
In 30 minutes a fox came along and ate him.
The moral of the story is: You can get away with Doing Absolutely N
MISSION: GO TO GAP, BUY A PAIR OF PANTS
Male
Time: 6 min
Cost: $33
Mission accomplished? Yes
Extra stops: None
Female
Time: 3 hours 26 min
Cost: $876
Mission accomplished? No
Extra stops: Macy's, JC Penny, Sears...etc...etc...etc...
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."
On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"
"Yes," the boy's mother answered.
"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.
"Who cares?" the mother replied.
A blonde got an invitation to a party which said "Wear brown tie only!"
After going to the party, she noticed that they were wearing pants and shirts also!
Once, there were three young men named Poop, Manners and Shutup, and one day they were riding their bikes when Poop fell off his bike, so Manners went to help Poop, while Shutup went to the police.
When Shutup arrived at the police station, he said, "Quick! My friend fell off his bike!"
So the police said, "Let's start at the beginning. What's your name?" then Shutup said, "Shutup" (because that was his name.)
But the police didn't understand, so he said, "Where's your manners?" Shutup said "Picking up Poop!"
Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question, but it will make you think.
It is as it reads:
No one I know got the answer right---including me.
The scenario....
A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a man she didn't know. She thought this guy was amazing, so much her dream guy, that she believed him to be just that!
She fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and couldn't find him. A few days later she
killed her sister.
Question: What is her motive in killing her sister? (Give this some thought before you answer).
Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at a
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