Seen on a bumper sticker: "I don't care who's on board, what you love, who you brake for or what you'd rather be doing."

How many Dyslexics does it take to change a Lit Blub?

An old, old man was lying in his death bed upstairs. His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies. As he lay there, gasping for each breath, he was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs. Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on the table. He finally made it to the table and he reached a shaking hand towards the cookies. Suddenly, his wife slapped his hand sharply and yelled, "DON'T TOUCH THOSE-they're for the funeral!"

Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock Knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana!

Q: What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo? A: A jump rope

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.'' The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.'' The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!'' The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Once there was a mad scientist who worked by himself in his laboratory. He was so lonely that one day, he decided to clone himself. Everything worked perfectly, except that the clone had a very foul mouth. The scientist worked with the clone, but alas, he could not make the clone clean up his language. He got so tired of the clone's language that one day he pushed him off the end of a cliff. A policeman rushed up to him, and yelled "You are under arrest!" "What for?" the mad scientist asked. And the policeman answered: For making an obscene clone fall.

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Indubitably Innovative Preliminary Proliferation Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Specificity British Constitution Passive-aggressive disorder Loquacious Tran-substantiate THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Thanks, but I don't want to have sex. Nope, no more booze for me. Sorry, but you're not really my type. Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight. Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you. 2. The bears' exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. 3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat. 4. The zookeeper always wants to take the rhino for a walk. 5. The lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King. 6. The alligator in the reptiles exhibit is nothing more than the University of Florida's mascot. 7. If you deposit 50 cents, the giraffe will magically appear and talk to you. 8. Ask the tour guide too many questions and you're suddenly dipped in some sort of sauce and placed in the tigers' den. 9. The elephant appear

Ever been to KFC? Ever notice that sometimes their toilets do not provide toilet rolls? Reason being that they uphold their motto: "It's finger licking good!"

Q:What is the difference between a leech and a lawyer? A:The leech stops sucking you dry after you're dead.