yo mommma is so skinny when she went to the strip club they used her as the pole!

There once was a man who died and went to heaven. There he saw a hot babe and a ladder. The babe said "you can have sex with me or climb the ladder to success." The man climbed the ladder. There he saw an even hotter babe who said the same thing. He climbed the ladder again. He saw yet another ladder and an even hotter babe, hotter than the previous ones. She said the same thing. So the man climbed the ladder one more time. This time he saw an extremely ugly man. The ugly man said "Hi, I'm Sess, suck me."

The crowd had cornered a woman and was preparing to stone her. Jesus raised his hand and spake, "Let he among you who is without sin cast the first stone." From the back of the crowd a small woman picked up a huge rock and staggered toward the poor victim. Jesus pointed a finger at her and said, "Stop it MOM! I was just trying to make a point!"

Albert Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates, St. Peter says, "You look like Albert Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths people will go to in order to sneak into heaven. Can you prove who you really are?" Einstein asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk, please?" St. Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and some chalk instantly appear. Einstein describes, with arcane mathematics and symbols, his theory of relativity. St. Peter is very impressed. "You really are Albert Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!" When Pablo Picasso arrives, once again St. Peter asks for credentials. Picasso says, "May I use that blackboard and chalk?" St. Peter says, "Go ahead."

The veterinarian told the blonde that her dog needed some exercise. "You need to make sure this dog runs around," the doctor said. "Try playing a game of fetch with him." "I can't play fetch with my dog," the blonde said. "Why not?" the doctor asked. "Because," she replied, "he can't throw."

Know why men are men and women are WOmen? Men keep saying - WO man, check out her boobs!

TV, Movies, Music, Books...

Do doughnut shops need security systems?

A detective was questioning a burglary suspect. "Where were you between five and six?" he asked. "In kindergarten!" he replied

Two people are discussing whether the state of Hawaii is pronounced 'Havaii' or 'Hawaii'. So they stood there arguing and arguing, until they decided to ask a person that was walking by. They asked the gentleman: "Excuse me sir, is Hawaii pronounced 'Havaii' or 'Hawaii'?" The gentleman said, "Havaii." So they looked at each other, and as the gentleman was leaving, one of the two said to him, "Thank you." The gentleman replied, "You're velcome!"

Mystery All my life has been a mystery You and I were never ever meant to be Thats why I call my love for you... a mystery. Different country You and I have always lived in different countries And I know that airline tickets don't grow on a tree So what kept us apart is plain for me to see That part at least, is not really much of a mystery. Estuary I live on a houseboat on an estuary Which is handy for my work with the port authority But I'm sure you would have found it Insanit-ery Insanit-ery Headed me I am foolish to ignore the possibilty That if we actually met, you might have a taken a really violent dislike of me But thats not the only problem I can see Dead since 1993 You've been

A three-year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed that the left was on the right and the right was on the left. She said, "Paul, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her and said, "No they're not, Mom. I KNOW they're my feet."