Popular Jokes
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and, K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% .
..And, B-U-L-L-
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"
One child blurted out, "Aces!"
Yo momma is so poor, I asked her what was for dinner and she put her foot on the table and said "CORN!"
Batman once wrote on the wall, "Superman is a wimp."
The next day, Superman wrote "Batman is Bruce Wayne."
A woman was singing. One of the guests turned to a man by his side and criticized the singer. "What a terrible voice!" he said. "Do you know who she is?"
"Yes," was the answer. "She is my wife."
"Oh, I beg your pardon." The man said, "Of course her voice is not bad, but the song is very bad. I wonder who wrote that awful song."
"I did." was the answer.
These are actual announcements from church...
1. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
2. Tuesday at 4:00 P.M. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk, please come early.
3. Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing, "Put me in My Little Bed", accompanied by the pastor.
4. Thursday at 5:00 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.
5. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Smith to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
6. The service will clo
I was soooo ugly when I was born that my mum got morning sickness after I was born.
The doctor came in to the waiting room after I was born and told my dad, "We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
I've never been able to understand why my bath toys were a radio and a toaster.
And when I play in the sandpit, the cat always covers me up.
Yo Momma so dumb, she was killed in a pie eating contest when the cow sat on her!
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