Sam and Abe, in their late seventies, first met years ago in the second grade. Their relationship now is mostly playing cards, telling jokes and making bets. Sam calls Abe and says, "I got a bet for you: I bet you that mine is longer soft than yours is hard. A thousand dollars!" Abe says, "How can that be? If you knew anything about biology, you ..." Sam interrupts, "I called for a bet, not a lecture. Mine is longer soft than yours is hard, ...a thousand dollars, ...yes or no!!" Abe says, "Okay, okay, I'll take your bet! How long is yours soft?" Sam says, "Eleven years!"

1. Slow people always walk side by side, even if they don't know each other. 2. They drive side by side, too. If they can't find another slow driver to pair up with, they drive in the fast lane. 3. Slow walkers never look back. When they drive, they never look in their rear view mirrors, either. 4. Slow people drift sideways so they'll block the path of anyone trying to pass them. If two people or vehicles are trying to get around them at the same time, they drift into the path of the one that is moving at the highest speed. 5. Follow behind a slow person in the grocery store and you'll wind up with soggy ice cream every time.

Play or chat about games in here.

A parachute used once, but has never been open!

To get your Star Wars name, do the following: 1) Start with the 1st 3 letters of your last name 2) Add the first two letters of your first name 3) Add the first two letters of your mother's maiden name 4) Add the first two letters of the city in which you were born 5) Then, if you want, you can remove one letter to make it sound cool.

Yo mamma is soooo poor that her front and back door are on the same hinge!

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment, he claimed: "I think it's Adam's suit!"

Speak in a strange foreign accent. when someone asks where you are from, name a country only you can pronounce. Use a different accent every time you talk to someone new. When getting food, pile everything onto your plate in heaping servings - make sure to use your hands! Ask the host, "Who threw this cheesy party, anyway?" Turn cartwheels across the floor. If you can turn a back flip, all the better! Bring a novel and curl up in a corner with it. Cough all over guests, then exclaim, "Doctor says a few more years and I'll be cured..." Hang your head and whisper one-word answers to questions. Play a lullaby on a kazoo during a speech (singing a lullaby works okay, too). If there is m

When my three-year-old son opened a birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Mom smiled and then replied....."I remember."

What did one virus say to the other virus? Keep away from me, I think I've got penicillin!

"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." - Hippolyte Taine "No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are here to welcome me." - Unknown "There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." - Albert Schweitzer "The cat has too much spirit to have no heart." - Ernest Menaul "Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God." "Time spent with cats is never wasted." – Colette "You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats." - Colonial American proverb "Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want." -Joseph Wood Krutch

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store. When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen,and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven. When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, yo