The relatives of the family's rich dowager gathered for the reading of her will after her long-awaited death. "Being of sound mind," read the lawyer, "I spent every last cent before I died."

What was the principal singer of nineteenth century opera called? Pre-Madonna!

yo mama and daddy r so fat, half the world went to ur mom, the other to ur dad.

Five year old Becky answered the door when the census taker came by. She told the census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home, because he was performing an appendectomy. "My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?" "Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the anesthesiologist!"

Mom: Jimmy, did you pick up your room yet? JImmy: No mom, it's too heavy.

A Blonde walks into an electronic store. A saleswoman goes up to him and introduces a washing machine. Saleswoman: Sir, this machine in gurantee to do half of all your laundry. Blonde: That's nice, I'll take two.

Pete and Mick were in court and standing before the judge. "Why can't this case be settled out of court?" the judge asked. Pete looked up at the judge and said, "That's what we were trying to do, your honour, when the police interfered."

Can You Decipher This Phrase? DEINPTH VESTINIGATION In depth investigation!

Lesson 5: A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you th

Can you decipher this phrase? box box box box box box box box box box box box Shit box box box box box box box box box box box box Shit in the box!

Yo momma so ugly they renamed "Halloween" "Yo-momma-ween".

yo momma is so ugly when she passed a horror movie filming the camera man said "Hey! No breaks, get back on set."