Why does a cock always close his eyes when he's crowing? Because he already knows the text!!

One day, in a hospital, a doctor walked into a womans room, looking very serious. "There's something wrong with your baby", he said. the woman bolted upright. "Tell me! What's wrong with my baby?" The doctor looked her straight in the eye and told her, "Your child is a hermaphrodite." "A herma-whatta?" she asked. "The baby has the, um, most important parts of both a boy and a girl." The woman turned pale. It was silent for a few moments, and she said, "So, you're saying its a guy with a brain?!?!?!"

Yo momma is so old, that she cooked the last supper!

In a recent survey, 4% of men preferred fat legs; 6% preferred skinny legs; while 90% preferred something in between.

gun(which shoots bees)

I am sure most people have heard of or watched the popular show the Ozbournes and still more people have Heard Ozzy sing. My question is how can Ozzy sing if he can't talk???

A woman walked into a bar, and asked the barman for a double entendre, so he gave her one.

The class homework was to write about something unusual that had happened in the previous month. Little Johnny stood up to read his: "Daddy fell in the well last week," he began. "Good heavens," shrieked Mrs. Johnson, the teacher. "Is he all right now?" "He must be," said Timmy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."

She used to have a broad mind and a narrow waist; now it's the other way round. It was a very emotional wedding; even the cake was in tiers. Psychic wanted – you know why, and where to apply. I don't think they really wanted me in the marching band – they gave me a piano. Then, when we played hide and seek, no-one came to look for me.

Sometimes I think I'm stupid... until I met George W. Bush. Now I feel like the smartest man in the world.

A very mean, nasty, unattractive woman enters the Wal-Mart store with her two kids. The Wal-Mart greeter says hello to the kids and then hello to the lady who just grunts at the greeter in return. The greeter asks the lady, "Great kids! Are they twins?" "No," replies the lady, "one is 9 the other is 7. Do they look like twins?" "No," the greeter says, "I just couldn't believe you could get laid twice."

This was a story told to us by our chemistry master at school. A female student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous) and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water. Her professor observed what she was about to do, out of the corner of his eye and hurried towards her, and after confirming this was what she was intending to do, asked her first to stir the water in the bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium. She was puzzled and ran after him to ask the purpose of this action. 'It will give me time to get away' said the professor.