How come only car keys are the only keys with teeth on both sides? Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? Why is it the TWELVE days of Christmas when there is only one day of Christmas? When something's funny why is it called a "knee-slapper" when you actually slap your thigh? Why is it that when babies are born they only weigh like 7 lbs yet the mom weighs 30 lbs more? Since a running back runs forward, why is he called a running back? If you die and you have a broken leg do they take the cast off? Is sign language the same in languages other than English? Why is "number" abbreviated as "no"? When there is no "o" in number? Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun siz

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Have you seen the lottery tickets from India? If the spot on your ticket matches the spot on your forehead, you win a 7-11 store.

Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school? He was caught buttering up his teacher

Do they put underwear on corpses? Why do people say "The alarm just went off" when really it just came on? If a vampire were Jewish would his Sabbath start at sunrise? Why do child labor laws not prohibit children from acting in movies? If your eyes are crossed, do your tears fall straight? If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense? Is the vice president's wife called the second lady? Do you wake up or open your eyes first? Can you "zone out" and be "in the zone" at the same time? If French kissing is a big thing in America, how do French people react to normal American kissing? Why is it called a soap opera when nobody sings?

My wife and I were traveling on the Kansas Turnpike, bucking a 30 to 45 m.p.h. crosswind. At the tollbooth, I asked the attendant, "What do you people do in Kansas when the wind quits?" The tollbooth attendant didn't miss a beat. She answered, "We take the rocks out of our pockets."

Chances of a Man Winning an Argument: Dating: 50% Engagement: 25% Marriage Period: 0%, very rare

What is a kangaroo's favorite restaurant? IHOP!

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer; just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "Actually, it was a civil engineer. I mean, who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Test for Dementia "It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test." Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert The saying; "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain, so.. Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So, take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it," The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you have made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and ... begin. WELL MAYBE NOT THAT CLEAR! 1. What do you put in a toaster? Answer: "bread

Both of the following men have cheated on their wives and have decided to take it to the Lord. One is a gangster and one is a Christian. This is their prayers.... Christian husband: Dear Father Son and Holy Ghost, I have sinned and am so sorry. I cheated on my wife with her best friend. Please allow my wife to forgive me for it was a long night and I didn't mean to hurt her. Amen Gangster husband: Waz up Pops Pops Jr. and Spooks, I cheated on my women last night. She is pissed off but I have a good reason for my actions. You see I'm a pimp in my old town and one of my leading ladies was having some trouble so you know, Lil' Willy down there make it all better. Well, my woman found out so

Blonds are so dumb. I'm lucky my hair is yellow.