What is black and red? An ape going down a hill!

My grandfather invented the rear-view mirror. Made millions - hasn't looked back since!

Yo momma is like the internet; she's worldwide.

What is represented by this? Way One Way!

Natalie had three very active young sons and they were quite a handful. One summer evening she was playing cowboys and Indians with them in her front garden when one of the boys "shot" her and shouted "Bang! You're dead, Mum," so Natalie fell down. Her next door neighbour had been watching all this and when Natalie didn't get up straight away, he ran over to see if she had been hurt in the fall. When the neighbour bent over her, Natalie opened one eye and said to him, "Shhh. Please don't give me away, it's the only chance I've had to have a rest all day".

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Ok...so when I was little my parents would fight all the time. Is there any married couple in the world that doesn't do this? Anyways, my mom hated paper towels. She just did. Especially the half-sized ones. Apparently there was no point in wasting a paper towel when you could use a dish towel. Quite understandable. My dad, on the other hand, felt differently. "Why use a dirty old dish rag when you can buy some decent paper towels and reuse them?" Whenever I walked into the kitchen with the purpose of washing my hands, I would quickly scan the room and see who was there. If my dad was around, I would grab a paper towel. He would always give me that sincere yet smug smile and think that he h

- I want to give you something. - That's what your mom said to me last night.

What do you call a chicken in a shell suit? An egg!

DMV jokes get old really fast. Unlike the DMV. You have to go through a special line to become old.

Why did the chicken cross the road? TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE! DUH! Aw c'mon, how many times are you gonna fall for this?

"What's the difference between Honecker and a telephone? None! Hang up and try again."