Yo momma so fat that when I wanted to take her picture I had to back up so far that I ended up in China.

If ham is Canadian bacon, then what the heck do you Canadians call bacon?

Yo momma so fat, that when she went on Biggest Loser, she she couldn't get kicked out when she destroyed the stage.

Yo momma is so fat, she's NOT on A Diet. . .she's on two Diets cause one ain't fittin' her well!

Me not on time. (I-(am)-so-late)

Q: What is brown, has four legs, and a trunk? A: A mouse coming back from vacation.

Would you hit a woman with a baby? No, I'd hit her with a brick.

In America, you can always find a party. In Russia, the Party finds you. In America, you listen to man on radio. In Soviet Russia, man on radio listen to you. In America, you watch television. In Soviet Russia, television watches you.

God said "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said "Say please."

What is red, black, has ten eyes, and crawls? I do not know but it is on your head.

Here is a fragment of a crossword puzzle. P _ O _ _ _ Clue: Something that is often brown and hard to clean. Answer: Poodle.

(I'm ringing up a customer and notice her last name is the same as mine. I have a very uncommon last name, so I made the mistake of mentioning this...) Me: "Your last name is [name]? Mine, too. Wonder if we're related?" *chuckle* Customer: *very serious* "What is your name?" Me: "Oh, I was joking, we're not related; almost all of my family lives up in New England." Customer: *more serious* "What is your name?" Me: "Uhhh...I'm no–" Customer: "Do you have a brother named [brother's name]?" Me: "Yes, actually..." Customer: "Is your mother [mom's name]?" Me: "Uh, yeah..." Customer: "And your father's name is [my estranged father's name]?" Me: "Well, he's my biological father, yes."