Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marajiuana, Jack got high and unzipped his fly and Jill said I don't wanna.

Walking by, a minister saw his 5-year-old son and playmates find a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, the children had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn... and into the hole he gooooes."

Saul is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above: "Saul, sell your business." He ignores it. It goes on for days. "Saul, sell your business for $3 million." After weeks of this, he relents, sells his store. The voice says 'Saul, go to Las Vegas." He asks why. "Saul, take the $3 million to Las Vegas." He obeys, goes to a casino. Voice says, "Saul , go to the blackjack table and put it down all on one hand." He hesitates but knows he must. He's dealt an 18. The dealer has a six showing. "Saul, take a card." What? The dealer has -- "Take a card!" He tells the dealer to hit him. Saul gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy. "Saul, take another card." What? "TAKE ANOTHER CARD

Q. Why did the dog fall out of the tree? A. Because it was dead Q Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A. Because it was stapled to the dog! Q. Why did the tree fall over? A. Because it thought it was a game.

There's a blonde who goes to a pizza parlor. When she orders, she asks for her pizza to be cut up into 6 slices instead of eight. Why? A: She's not hungry enough to eat eight.

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslims are so quick to commit suicide. Let's see now: No Jesus, No Wal-Mart, No Television, No Cheerleaders, No baseball, No Football, No Basketball, No Hockey, No Golf, No Tailgate Parties, No Home Depot. No Pork BBQ, No Hot Dogs, No Burgers, No Lobster, No Shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks, No Gumbo, No Jambalaya. More than one wife. Rags for clothes and towels for hats. Constant wailing from the guy next door because he's sick and there are no doctors. Constant wailing from the guy up in the tower. No chocolate cookies. No Christmas. You can't shave. Your wives can't shave. You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey being cooked over

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and >>take >>them to their separate hotel >>rooms. >> >>The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His >>depression >>is made worse by the fact that, >>from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries >>of >>"Here I come again ... ONE, TWO, >>THREE... UUH!" all night long. >> >>In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" >>The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get >>an >>erection." >> >>The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassi

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There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!" The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it. 2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore. 3. It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow. 4. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me. 5. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night. 6. And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence. 7. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife. 8. My lavatory sea

Upon realizing that we both had the same middle name, I told the blond, "Hey we have the same middle name!" She replied, "Really? What's yours?"

What's the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78? At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story. At 78 - You can get out of bed, that's another story.