Popular Jokes
An elevator operator complained that he was getting tired of people asking him for the time.
A friend suggested that he hang a clock in his elevator.
A few weeks later, the friend inquired as to how things were going.
"Just awful!" declared the elevator operator.
"NOW, all day long, people ask me, "Is the clock right?" exclaimed the elevator operator.
"Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great state of New York. When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible. You know, the one with only seven commandments."
- David Letterman
~~You Know You're Having a Bad Day When... ~~
1. Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels motorcyclists.
2. You've been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open or your blouse unbuttoned.
3. Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
4. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
5.You call the suicide prevention hotline and they put you on hold.
6.You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
7.Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
8. Your income tax refund check bounces.
9. The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
10. You wake up and your braces are stuck together.
11. Your bli
What do you call a black person that wants to be and acts just like Jackie Chan? Blackie Chan
While fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He knew how to swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any alligators around here?"
The beachcomber shouted back, "Nah! We ain't seen gators in these parts for years."
Feeling safe, the tourist began swimming leisurely towards the shore. About halfway there, he shouted, "Hey, how'd you get rid of the alligators?"
The beachcomber said, "We didn't do anything. The sharks got 'em."
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says..."You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
This is how you know if you are addicted to the internet:
1) You kiss you girlfriend's home page.
2.) Your bookmarks list takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
3.) Your eyeglasses have a web site burned into them.
4.) You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to Google.
5.) You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
6.) You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.
7.) You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap, and your kid in the overhead compartment.
8.) Your dreams are in HTML.
9.) You find yourself typing ".com" after every period when using a word processor.
10.) You
You Know You're Addicted to Video Games When...
1.) Your wife tells you that you are, and your two kids; Mario, and Sonic; agree with her.
2.) Whenever something bad happens, you reach for the pause button.
3.) You can microwave and eat a pizza using only your feet.
4.) You've spent so much time playing Tony Hawk Pro Skater 4 -- you actually taught youself how to skateboard.
5.) You've worn out the buttons in the elevator of your apartment.
6.) The only joystick you play with anymore is plugged in to your Xbox.
7.) You've decided you won't go outside anymore due to the 'tacky graphics, poor sound and low playability.'
8.) You've moved your PS2 into the bathroom -- just in case you
A man with two left feet walked into a shoe store and asked, " Do you have any flip-flips?"
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