A women said to her boyfriend "Oh, honey... are we doing anything this weekend?" Her boyfriend on the other side of the room said "Yeah, of course" The woman said "Oh, honey. That's great! What are we doing?" "Sunday... it's just you, me, the T.V., and that big comfy couch!" he said. "Oh, honey... does this mean what I think it means!?" she said. She jumped up excitedly. "Oh, honey... you want to watch the Super Bowl too!"

How many old geezers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Back in my day, we didn't have lightbulbs. We put candles in tin cans and hung them from the ceiling with thread. And we had to walk uphill both ways to school in a blizzard with nothing but a potato to keep us warm. And... zzzzzz......

What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff!

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper. MYTH: A female moth. MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better. RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn. SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time. SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off. TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction. TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today. YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed. WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.

Knock-Knock. Who's There. OMG OMG who? OMG! How long has that cookie been in your Lunch Box?!

Yo mamma is so poor she has only got two channels on her T.V. : 'on' and 'off'.

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Here are some favorite sayings from people all over the world. Doctor: Oops. Secretary: I'm pregnant! Travel Agent: I know what you did last summer... Michael Jackson: I didn't do it! Bill Clinton: I didn't do it! Oh wait...Yes, I did. Computer Programmer: H0w d0 y0u w0rk th15 "Ch355" g4m3?? 1 N33D H3LP!!!111// Pilot: Are we there yet? Mad Scientist: I like Cows! Cell Phone Tester: Can you hear me now? Video Gamer: Can the line lag any further?

An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better." Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge. The B-52, however, continued its flight, straight and level. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "I'm waiting, what are you going to do?" "We just shut down two engines."

I was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked "Electronic cat and dog caller -- guaranteed to work." I looked inside and was amused to see an electric can opener.

Have you noticed since most people have a camcorder these days there are not as many people talking about seeing UFOs as there use to be?

An old man was on the beach and walked up to a beautiful girl in a bikini - "I want to feel your breasts" he exclaimed. "Get away from me, you crazy old man" she replied. "I want to feel your breasts, I will give you twenty dollars," he says. "Twenty dollars, are you nuts!? Get away from me!" "I want to feel your breasts, I will give you ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS" he stated. "NO! Get away from me!" "TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS" he offered. She paused to think about it, but then comes to her senses and said, "I said NO!" "FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS if you let me feel your breasts," he claimed. She thought, well he is old, and he seems harmless enough...and $500 IS a lot of money.... "Well, OK...but only for a